I WANT YOU ALL OVER ME...

soooo, totally random but i think someone should tell miss spears that it's dangerous to drive at night with sunglasses on...now don't get me wrong, i enjoy wearing my sunglasses well beyond sun-down, but i mean come on?!?!!? i know you have cameras in your face like 24/7, and the flashbulbs must give you migraines...but there's really no need to be wearing shades after dark when you're behind the wheel...and believe me when i say that we've all had enough of your fake gucci's...you're britney spears for fuck sakes, can't you at least afford a hot pair of chanel's?????

soooo perez hilton always has these "not so blind items" posted on his site where he blogs about certain secret celebs, giving us hints as to their identities, all the while painting certain incriminating portraits of them...and the last one i read was about a certian "recently rehabbed" male celeb who was caught snorting lines in the back of his limo at the sundance film fest recently...and i'm going to start my own type of guessing game...and peg colin farrell as the mystery celeb of the day...i just saw in "OK " magazine that he was photographed on numerous occasions drinking bottles of "water"...and we all know water cures dry mouth due to somethin' somethin'...so that's my prediction of the week!!

stay tuned for more details and predictions of next week's mystery badness!!

so i've recently begun tanning...something i swore i'd never do, seeing as how there's skin cancer in my family and i have numerous tattoos that i never want to fade...(but don't worry, i've been protecting my ink!!) anyways, today was my third session, and suddenly when the bed turned on i looked up and had an odd realization; this is weird!!!!!

when did it become considered beautiful to cook in a tanning bed for days at a time??? it's kind of funny when you think of it; we rotisserie ourselves (in a matter of speaking) in effort to make ourselves more attractive...does that sound weird to anyone else??? can you imagine if it all of a sudden became attractive to look hideously and ghostly pale???? all the tanning salons would all of a sudden go out of business and everyone would be walking around carrying umbrellas on sunny days to shield themselves from the sun...

hopefully that will never happen...cause i think i'm officially on my way to tanorexia!!!

wish me luck!!

xoxo

SERIOUSLY THOUGH...

it's no secret that young hollywood is, has been, and will always be plagued by certain inevitable bouts and run-ins with illicit drugs and other illegal substances...but is it just me or is it starting to turn DEADLY???

it seems like every time you turn around one such celeb is on their way to the ever-trendy stint in rehab (a la lindsay lohan), or caught smoking crack on film (hello amy winehouse), or caught dead in your bed surrounded by bottles of sleeping pills and residue of powdery substances on 20 dollar bills (r.i.p heath ledger). this type of behavior is becoming an epidemic in hollywood, and one that is certainly not to be taken lightly...

kids today all over the world are starting to dabble in the "club" lifestyle (which is generally how it starts), and then before you know it their extra-curricular "weekend activities" are starting to take over their lives (which have begun to down-spiral out of control!)

it's nothing short of a complete tragedy if you ask me; these young actors and musicians have everything they've ever wanted being handed to them on a gold splattered platter...and they're wasting all their well deserved attention being stalked by tmz.com trying to catch them in the midst of one of their drug-fueled binges...

since when did rehab become the new 'black'???? honestly people, if you're going to go crazy and party your lives away, i have some words of advice: everything in moderation, hire a fucking driver, becareful of who your 'friends' are, beware of camera phones when you're snorting lines in the bathroom stall with your "comrades", be nice to people so as to not piss them off, and for jesus sakes stay away from paris hilton...she seems to be the one to stir the "trouble pot" every now and then for previously-innocent baby-celebs!!

LOOK FOR THE ______, AND YOU'LL FIND ME:




the inevitable coffee rings i leave all over the tables where i'm sitting in the a.m. hours, the trail of gossip magazines i leave behind after i finish eating, the unpoped popcorn kernels that fall out of the popcorn maker after i make my "fix" for the night, my collection of empty red bull cans that i can never seem to deposit in recycling bins, my collection of stolen pens that i take without even knowing it, the perezhilton.com site address that you'll find on the history of every computer that i sit down in front of, the trail of receipts that i always keep from bought items ranging from gum to electronic devices, the dirty foot prints that i leave all over the house in the winter time, the keys that i leave in the door far more often than not, my collection of "the coast" issues that i keep in every room of my house, my day-planner that is never far from my side, my ever-beeping cell phone that is constantly at my side, my gwen stefani harajuku lovers man-bag that i don't go anywhere without, my little barking pooch whom i'd take everywhere with me if i could, the sound of "dentyne ice" being chomped down upon that i chew constantly, the sound of humming coming from somewhere almost unmistakable...

teehee

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM...





i have never been able to remember my dreams...no matter how i tried, or how many "dream recognition" exercises i practiced before i fell asleep, when i woke, never fail, my dreams were forgotten...

i even sometimes think that i simply DON'T dream...like i'm missing that part of the brain that allows people to escape their daily issues and fantasize about the untouchable...

now while i'm aware that it's physically and neurologically impossible to NOT dream; everyone who enters into REM sleep, dreams...and most are completely and totally able to remember at least some part or image from the dreams they drempt...and then another select few of us are completely and totally UNABLE to remember them...and yet still are forced to regale in the retellings of our friends past dreamscapes and nightmares...

well from the mouth of someone who CANNOT remember their dreams; let me tell you that we don't wanna hear about it bitches!!!?!? and we feel you're bragging that you can revel in the afterthoughts of your amazing and bewildering dreams all freakin day long...so cut it out!!!

now don't get me wrong, everynow and then i'll wake up with a certain image still burning in my short-term memory...but most of the time the images aren't pleasant ones, and are usually leftovers from nightmares (yes, i too get those sometimes...and unfortunately those types tend to be the ones that stick around!) or else the rest of the time the images won't make sense, and when i try to put them into words i'm at a loss...and i end up forgetting anyways...left only with the feeling they gave me...

and yet sometimes still i'll wake up to find out that my little friend has been enjoying some pleasant images from within my twisted mind, and will be standing at full attention...and who am i to deny him his satisfaction?? at least part of me is benefiting from my dreams!!

but in the end, when i really consider my situation, i come to the realization that things could be a lot worse! i could be one of those people who have the utmost trouble falling asleep in the first place...or i could be plagued by incessant fits of tossing and turning/waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall back asleep...man, that would be shitty...

so i am at least proud to say (knock on wood) that i am able to fall asleep very blissfully, and at a whim...whether completely exhausted or just slightly in need of a snooze!! so there!!

besides, why waste time dreaming when the real world is so much more exciting?

*wink, wink*

xoxo

WHAT I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF NOW:

perezhilton.com (i'm horribly addicted, like seriously i check him 50 times a day...i want to marry him), jet (that goes without saying), the UK (my future home), "dragonette" (download away bitches, she's amazing...totally rockin' scenester pop; aka sexalicious), posh and becks (the new 'brangelina' that is here to stay...beyond sexy and forever beautiful trendsetters of the globe...simply a-mazing), putting garlic on my popcorn (melt some in with your butter if you're using a hot-air popper), the new fluroescent colored boxer-briefs from american eagle (too cute), ginch gonch briefs for men, the magazine "strut" (for both men and women; a little bit gay and all-over fantastic), the new "sex and the city" movie coming out in may, youporn.com (you'll never pay for porn again), marilyn monroe (vintage photos, her music from her movies, and the bio "goddess; the secret lives of marilyn monroe"), andy warhol prints (simply long-lasting works of pure genius), britney (sad, i know...i just feel absolutely 100% horrible about her situation...the world won't be satisfied until her predicament ends in pure tragedy), goveg.com (amazing recipes for the vegetarian on the run), tanning (i know, i know...but glowing skin sure is one way to beat the winter blues), facebook (just when i thought the excitement was winding down, they go and re-vamp it and make it all the more fantastic!!), the name "harlow" for girls, the apple iphone (hoping to buy one in the UK!!)

...and much much more!!

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CONFESSIONS OF 2007


i fell in love when i shouldn't have let myself, i fell out of love just as fast and dealt with it badly, i was a terrible friend on more than one occasion, i screened my calls far too often, i sounded interested in people's situations when i really really wasn't, i talked behind too many people's backs, i carried coke in my pocket across the border, i smuggled booze across the border, i hung out with people because i thought it would make me seem more important, i allowed myself to be guilted into sex, i put far too much shit up my nose, i spent money unwisely, i gossiped about those i loved, i had a hate-on for weddings/relationships/engagements, i ate pills and mixed them with booze, i prank-texted exes, i used people for what they could give me, i bought many new sex toys, i cried heavily over my proplems, i developed a fear for living on my own (which i then conquered), i fought and had mean thoughts about loved ones, i acted fake to many a people, i watched a helluva lot of porn, i was compeltely and utterly two-faced, i skinny-dipped in my pool, i had a summer-bout with solo-exhibitionism, i renewed a love for weed, i had panic attacks, i got scared of being hurt again in a relationship, i lied my ass off to get out of a bind, i borrowed money from people with no intention of ever giving it back, i spent a lot of time on "dating websites", i got new tattoos with money i should have been doing other things with, i sweated a lot of small stuff, i totally stiffed a cab driver on the fee...

and i learned my lessons...and am a better person for it.

just a little something i found online that i thought was genius and had to share with all of you.

it's basically britney invisioned as the mother mary...or something like that. she's surrounded by all the things that complete her and make her holy; starbucks, the hollywood sign, candy, her children.

it's really quite the vision since we as a society have allowed her to rise to such an immortal status. we have given her the power to rule over her land of minions by obsessing over her every move. and for those who haven't been obsessing over her every move you have at the very least partaken in many a water cooler chats over the dear pop princess, i'm sure...

i have chosen not to comment too much on her (somewhat inevitable) downfall that has surfaced in the news as of late...simply because i'm sure if you're anything like my mother you're on official britney overload...but what can we say, we're a sucker for a billionaire's pending breakdown!! try as we will, britney continues to reign even when she's scraping rock bottom...and who does she have to thank for her new-found and continuous attention??

US!!

if you ask me, i betcha her cd sales are soaring now thanks to her latest tantrum...i think she should release a new video...i bet it would kill

LADIES AND GAY BOYS

may i introduce to you Chris Evans. some of you may recognize him from such flicks as "Fantastic Four", "Not another teen movie", "Cellular", and the most recently romantic comedy/cuming-of-age movie "the nanny diaries"...also known as the "movie i just finished watching".

ahem

i have been mildly obsessed with chris evans and his apparent HOTNESS since i first laid gay eyes on him when he spoofed freddie prinze jr in "not another teen movie", he had black hair and played the highschool popular jock character...and i know you can't forget about his "whipped cream banana split" scene from that movie where he appears naked with only whipped cream covering up his naughty parts...oh, and he had a banana stuck up his ass...how could i forget about that part!!!!

well i really must admit that there's a certain something about this fella that has always gotten my kahonas to rise...and he doesn't show signs of stopping anytime soon!! especially by the looks of this photo you see on my right!!!

he is dreamy sex-bomb cute, and i just figured you might all want a little dose of sexuality on this otherwise lazy new year's day!!

happy new year, by the way!!