happy hallowe'en

well it seems like it's been a long time coming, but it's finally here!!!!!!!! hope everyone's weekend was spook-tacular, and that tonight lives up to all your fright-pectations!!

be sure to watch for all the wee ghosts and goblins, light up those pumpkins, and be sure to deliver at least one good scare!

after all, it only comes once a year!

trick or treat boils and ghouls!

tales from the crypt

anyone else a fan of the old tales from the crypt show?? back in the day (approximately circa 1989 is when the first episode debuted) 'tales' was quite the fright-fest!!

hosted by the infamous 'cryptkeeper', it was an hbo show (obviously) which told a few scary stories over a half hour period. originally starting out as a comic book of the macabre, it evolved to the small screen (and eventually to the big screen) and held quite a few celebrity guests. whoopi goldberg made an appearance, tom hanks, kyle mclachlan from sex and the city, among many others!

it was a very tongue-in-cheek show, never taking itself too seriously, but being scary enough to send a chill of excitement up any horror fan's spine!! it was deliciously creepy, i guess you could say, with the cryptkeepers death pun's and eerie story lines.

it lasted for (correct me if i'm wrong) 4 seasons, each episode delightfully entertaining. it used to be on every night of the week at like midnight on global, and i'm pretty sure i've seen every episode!!

it's big screen attempts weren't the best; demon knight, bordello of blood among others. they were a little cheesy, but all in good fun!

that was the thing about 'tales', it was always good for a scare, or at the very least a laugh!!

i urge you to check out old episodes.


you're in for a treat!!

halloween campus murder

i thought a scary story would be in order for today's entry, being that it's exactly 5 days till halloween. this is one tale that always brings a chill down my spine this time of year, check it out:

As this urban legend unfolds, a prominent psychic on a TV talk show predicts that a mass murder on a college campus will take place on Halloween. While this story isn't true, when it emerges every few years -- it sends many college students flocking home for Halloween.

The original psychic in this story was Jeanne Dixon. Now the legend usually involves a "well-known" or "famous psychic." The talk show I've heard it pertaining to most was the one hosted by Geraldo Rivera. Other talk show hosts include Oprah, David Letterman, Johnny Carson, Montel Williams, and Phil Donohue (in the legend's older days.) When the legend revives itself, it refers to modern talk shows, so more hosts will undoubtedly be added to the list.

After much thought, the psychic refers to the campus in clues -- then reveals the actual college campus she believes the murders will take place. Other details are given, such as the murderer (an enraged student, teacher, or escapee from the local insane asylum.)

The murder weapon is always an object that will inflict much damage, such as a butcher knife or an axe. This always causes more panic and reminds one of a scary Halloween movie taking place in real life.

The number of college students being killed is anywhere from 10-18 and sometimes states it will only be female students killed by an ax wielding maniac in a Little Bo Peep costume. Later versions of this tale have the murderer wearing a scream mask. This gets your imagination going, doesn't it?

More stories then circulate to frighten non-believers of the original urban legend. They tell of campus parties or dorms where students defied the psychic's advice and were then butchered in the wee hours of the night. They often giving details of a large Halloween frat party on campus where the college students acted like, well, college students.

When this hoax gets going again, there will likely be more students and parents frightened by the new "modernized" details, which seem to add credibility to a classic Halloween urban legend.


hope you enjoyed boys and ghouls!

brought to you by scary.com

check out my s-c-a-r-y recipe i found for "bird feet". tee hee, and if you have time check out scary.com...it's for kids, but it'll get you in the mood!

Dirty Bitty Birdy Feet

Utensils
1 Sharp knife
1 Large spoon
1 Large plate
1 Box of toothpicks


Ingredients
1 Individual serving of chocolate/vanilla pudding (4 oz.)
1 Package of yellow vanilla wafer cookies shaped like flowers
1 Package of candy corn
1 Tube of colored icing
Strawberry glaze (if bloody)



Directions

Spread pudding on plate, making a path shape
Cut the large yellow end off the candy corn
Use icing to attach pointed ends to the backside of the cookie (make them look like claws)
Place cookies down the pudding path, staggering them to look like footprints
With a toothpick put a few dabs of pudding on the feet to look like dirt
(OR with a toothpick, drizzle a few drops of strawberry glaze on the feet to look like blood)


Put a foot in your mouth and enjoy!

angelic

so these are the contacts that i've ordered for my halloween costume!! i'm totally psyched about them. and while halloween is costing me an arm and a leg (between my costume and the puppy's; harley's going as a pig, and jet's going to be a bumble bee) it's always worth it!!

why just look at my recent blog entries! if dedicating a whole months worth of entries to october 31st doesn't indicate how much i'm in love with halloween...then i don't know what would?!?

last year i had purchased the "white-out" contacts, for my vampire costume. they fuckin' rocked! basically they block out any color in your eye, only exposing the pupil. the rest is totally white. i couldn't even look some people in the eye, cause they were too frightened.

so this year, still on the creepy contact lens kick, i saw these "angelic" ones and totally fell in love with them! apparently they're going to make them almost glow a fluorescent blue-like color...like an angel's!

now i don't want to ruin the surprise, but i'm thinking of dressing completely in white. white pants, white shirt, white tie, white wings, and then have the blue contacts just punch you right in the face!!

i can't wait. dressing up is half the fun on halloween. it's the one night of the year where you can act completely and totally retarded, and look as creepy and as kooky as you want...and nobody can say anything about it! it's even encouraged to be freaky!

i think we all go through that stage when dressing up isn't "cool" anymore, but as we get older, and when liquor gets involved, costumes on halloween turn into a whole new level of fun! we begin to explore the possibilities and indulge them. you can dress up as your deepest darkest fantasy, or you could be something completely opposite from who you are...the options are endless! even the most tabboo of costumes are accepted; i once saw a guy at a rave go as someone's sex slave...i'm talking g-string, hand cuffs, dog collar (complete with chain) around his neck, bare feet (at the electropolis-yuck!) black eye make-up and lipstick writing all over his body!!

so if that guy can get away with it, what are you waiting for?

use your imagination...

the original scream queen

before neve campbell, before jennifer love hewitt and before buffy, i mean sarah michelle... there was an original scream queen...and that lady was jamie lee!

she was the one! the only! the best! all beginning with the original "halloween", she was laurie strode...the sister of michael myers, who one halloween night crawled into his older sister's room and murdered her in cold blood with his mother's sharpest carving knife.

16 years later he's come back to haddonfield, with only one thing on his mind...

after halloween, she continued on in halloween 2 (which was probably one of the best sequels to ever be a part of the horror genre, which took place the same night as the first one). but then she dissappeared from her crazed masked brother, until H20.

between roles she was still a huge part of the genre playing in such fright flicks as "terror train", "the fog" and "prom night". but it's her reaccuring part in the halloween movies that truly sent a chill up my spine.

in halloween: H20 (20 years later) she returns to her role as the terrorized baby-sitter, now fully grown of course and the head mistress of a very posh and secluded private school in northern california.

but michael tracks her down and continues his reign of terror. does she get away? does she survive? does she put her brother to rest???

unfortunately they make us wait till halloween:resurrection (shitty, shitty, shitty), for laurie strode to make a final appearance...this time she's in an insane asylum, apparently driven crazy from all those years of running from a knife-wielding maniac. and i won't ruin it for you, but let's just say the star of the movie is busta rhymes...and tyra-big boobs-banks makes an appearance!

so this halloween, while perusing the aisles of your local video depository, and you come across the festive horror section, pick up one of miss curtis' fright films...her scream is guaranteed to top even the best pipes in the bizz...

♪enjoy♪

jack o' lantern

my family and i always took great care in carving our pumpkins while i was growing up. we even had a signature look to them; which usually included big black marbles as eyeballs, and pumpkin innerds doubling as brains or human remains leaking from the mouth!! (gross out!!)

ever wonder where the idea of carving jack o' lanterns came from? well here's a little fable to explain the custom: This is based on an old Irish legend about the drunk, Jack. One day he was out in the woods and tricked Satan into a tree to throw down some fruit. Once Satan had helped him he carved a cross into the tree and trapped him there. He then struck a deal that Satan would leave his soul alone when he died. This backfired when he died since heaven would not take him either. When he kept bothering the Devil to let him in the Devil gave him a burning ember instead. He carried the ember in a hollowed out turnip (sometimes described as rotton) to light his way as he wandered through eternal darkness on the earth. Eventually this was replaced with the pumpkin in America and became the modern Jack-o-Lantern.

interesting...

the lanterns originally carved out of turnips, potatoes or beats, represented the souls of departed loved ones, and were placed in window sills and on door steps to welcome home the deceased on all hallow's eve. they also served as protection against malevolent spirits or goblins freed from the dead.

it has been an essential part of halloween celebrations since the victorian days, and is a universal symbol of halloween.

so think of this story as you gut your vegetable plant this halloween!

happy carving!

el dia de los muertos

or day of the dead, if you will, is basically the mexican version of halloween. (in layman's terms). the celebration traditionally starts at midnight the night of Oct. 31, and the festivities are abundant in images related to death.

the customs have different origins, and their attitudes toward death are different: In the typical Halloween festivities, death is something to be feared. But in el día de los muertos, death — or at least the memories of those who have died — is something to be celebrated.

it's one of the biggest celebrations in mexico, and it's even becoming more popular in the states. Specifics of the celebration vary, but one of the most common customs is the making of elaborate altars to welcome departed spirits home. Vigils are held, and families often go to cemeteries to fix up the graves of their dearly departed relatives. Festivities also frequently include traditional foods such as pan de muerto (bread of the dead) which can conceal a miniature skeleton, skull-shaped candies and sweets, and paper mache skeletons and other ghouly figures.

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this is an example of the elaborate style altars that are built to honor the return of the dearly departed. at the top of the article, is the candle light vigil at night.

hocus pocus

now i hope this movie is familiar to those of you halloween-movie fans, because it's an absolute must for this time of year. and for those of you who've never heard of the wondrous movie that is disney's "hocus pocus", STOP READING this right now, and rush out to your nearest 'cockbuster' and rent it!!!! then come back, and finish reading my entry. you won't be disappointed!

"hocus pocus" (in my house atleast) is probably the original halloween movie of choice. dating back to 1993, it's a tad bit outdated (being one of sarah jessica's earlier roles before satc) but still very much enjoyable. set in salem, it tells the tale of the sanderson sisters, executed over 300 years ago for practicing witchcraft; more specifically for 'sucking the lives out of little children', they are brought back to life on all hallow's eve when a virgin lights the black flame candle thusly activating the curse the witches put into play before they died.

brought back only for the one night, it's a race against time as they try to capture the lifeforce of as many children as possible in an attempt to stay alive forever, all before the sun comes up.

bette midler, sjp and kathy najimi are all hysterical in the three main roles of the sisters, and a very young thora birch (better known as kevin spacey's titty-flashing daughter in american beauty, or as the dark main character of ghost world) plays the heroine.

it's pg fun, but highly enjoyable as the witches battle against the 20th century in an attempt to secure their evil in salem forever!

how's that for a sales pitch?

i'm sure we all have that one movie that just screams 'halloween' to us. and to me, it's hocus pocus. i watch it religiously around this time of year, and it always gets me in the mood.

honestly it's worth your while just to check out sarah jessica parker as the dumb and ditzy blonde witch who's the slutty of the three.


trick or treat

all hallow's eve

well it's that time of year again, kiddies! what time of year would that be, you ask? well just the most wonderful time of the year!!

OCTOBER!!

and what holiday comes on the last day of this month??? that's right...HALLOWEEN!! halloween has always been my absolute favorite day of the year. hands down! so being that we're into october now, i thought i'd dedicate every blog entry for this month to everyone's favorite nocturnal october celebration!

shall we begin with a little bit of history? Behind the name... Halloween, or the Hallow E'en as they call it in Ireland , means All Hallows Eve, or the night before the 'All Hallows', or 'All Saints', or 'All Souls' Day, observed on November 1.

The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

well, i hope i didn't bore you with that lil' history lesson. but a true halloween fan probably found that at least a tad bit interesting. hopefully...

angel

well this is her, my newest tattoo. isn't she beautiful? i'm going to take a digital photo of my whole back soon and post it, so you get the whole effect.

the only differences are she's got a little bit of blue in her halo, to match the rest on my back, and her face is completely colored in.

she's innocent, sexual, mysterious, and angelic. like me!! just kidding! she's in the center of my back along my spine inbetween the other two, and besides being probably the most painful of the 7 i have, she's also the most lovely. and perhaps my favorite.

more to come later!

autumn of

colors, hoodies, turtlenecks, uggs, jeans, falling leaves, cuddling, taking pups for walks in the fallen leaves, best halloween ever, holding hands to keep warm, admiring scenery, seeing your breath for the first time, layers, a certain special someone's 25th birthday, celebrations, keeping up jogging, studying hard, midterms, arrivals from new york, dying your hair fall colors, getting a 7th tattoo, bundling up, playing in the fallen leaves, indoor activities, shorter days, earlier sunsets, keeping warm between the sheets, hard nipples, sex (always), long sleeves, making the most of your time, goose bumps, longer nights, dressing appropriately, new fall jackets, training puppys, moving, new neighbourhoods, keeping in touch with friends who've moved away, warm showers, thanksgiving, blankets, eating better, tweed, fine wine, blazers, making love by candle light, sleeping in on cold days and not feeling bad about wasting the day, hot activities, parlez le français, halloween movies, hocus pocus, end of summer drinks, leg warmers, candy, old navy, wearing black, twilight, pink skies, mittens, the davinci code, novels, film festival, socks, no more construction, anti-hunting, recycling, dancing to warm up the nights, good blood circulation, tea, hot apple cider, back massages, sky-rocket-in-flight-afternoon/evening-delight, blogging till you can't blog no more!

a what???

the other night at jet's obedience class, one of the instructors called my lil' puppy an "a-hole". not an "asshole", but an "a-hole"!! can you believe it?

not only did she try and make it less offensive by not completing the curse, but i'm sorry..."DUH!!!" that's why we're here!!??!!

if he was the best behaved dog in the world i could think of other ways i'd rather spend 150 bucks!!!

she's a MEAN teacher i tell you...a MEAN TEACHER!!

and are you ALLOWED to talk to me like that?? cause last time i checked i didn't come here to have my child scrutinized from the likes of some sackville dog-trainer-assistant!!

maybe i should put all my energy into training jet to bite her in the ass the next time i see her...

or maybe i'll just go up and bite her next class.

that'll teach her...that'll teach her real good.

moola

so c100 has this contest right now, called "beat the bank." basically what happens is that you call-in, and you start off with no money. they open up the first "bank vault", and that gives you a certain "balance". so you keep opening these bank vaults, each one containing more money than the last, thusly increasing your balance. you can walk away whenever you want with whatever balance you arrive with, HOWEVER with each new vault you open you run the risk of getting caught by "the police" and losing everything! so if you open up one too many and get caught, you walk away with NOTHING!!! so it's a gamble, cause you're curious as to how much the vaults ahead of you might hold.

some vaults can contain upwards to $5000!!!! so this morning some guy got through, and started opening vaults...he quit at like 550 bucks, and of course they insist on opening all the remaining vaults, just to rub it in to see exactly how much he COULD have won.

and the last vault before he would have gotten caught contained 10 000 dollars!!!!! isn't that fuckin' retarded?!? i'd be soooooo angry if i had quit when he did!!!!!

can you imagine winning $10 000 just from calling into your local radio station while getting ready for work?? that's insane! you could buy a car with that money for cryin' out loud!!

what would you do if you won $10 000? first thing i'd do is pay off my bed, then i'd pay off my visa bill, then i'd get another tattoo, take my honey on a trip somewhere lovely, move into a nice new apartment, buy a new couch, and a new dog (JUST KIDDING!!) do a little bit of shopping, and then put the rest away for me education!!

did i go over my limit?

bridalicious

well it was even better than i had anticipated, (if that's possible). it was the most wonderful story with the most character of any of tim burton's previous tales, i've ever seen!

such detail pas paid to each individual character and their makeup, no matter how small or unimportant their part.

he truly has a love and deep motivated devotion to his craft, and you can just sense his energy pulsating from the screen for what he does.

it was a sometimes melancholy tale of love and romance, set against a dark 17th century backround, filled with optimism and emotion. i truly had tears at the end, for it was a fantastically beautifully done film!

go see it immediately!

and a deep-rooted thanks goes out to miss brianne who sweetly invited lil' ol' me to be her accompanyer to the premiere! that was unbelievalby sweet of you! i had a wicked time, so thanks again!!

cover-up

so after speaking with my new york confidante last night (who's coming back to the homeland in approximately 9 more sleeps!! eeeeek!!) i was informed of an important tidbit of information related to a topic long-ago addressed.

that topic would be on the 'waifier' of the olsen twins, mary-kate. as you may have heard, (or may have had drilled into your brain) m-k was hospitalized earlier this year for what was publicized as an eating disorder. she was caught roaming the streets of new york (where she and sister ashley go to school) on countless occassions looking pin-thin and completely washed out, not to mention homeless in baggy clothes that weren't even the least bit fashionable!

the whole world cried for her; "what a sin" we all said! "look what the pressures of fame did to the poor girl!" blah, blah, blah!!

BUT IT WAS ALL A FARCE!! i'm officially here to set the record straight; mary-kate didn't have anorexia (well maybe she did, or does but that's not the reason she was hospitalized.) according to my reliable dirt source, she's A DRUG ADDICT!!!

now let me just say; a. i'm not surprised.
b. no judgement.

apparently it was a pr firm's decision to publicize it as anorexia and not coke addiction! personally i think she should just have come out and allowed herself a spot in the "teen actor cliche" category in which she belongs, along with other fellow teenage fuck-ups like macauley and that kid from the terminator movies. both of whom, might i add, were honest enough to simply to admit to their faults and then move on.

my advice to you mary-kate, is to pull a drew and disappear from the public eye for a while, straighten up, buckle down, get better, and then reappear a beautiful reborn butterfly fresh and ready to tackle anything.

new model comes complete with perkaset perscription and lifetime supply of lucky brand cigarettes. see in store for details.

no need

a loyal follower to my trashy gossip magazines of the past, i'm here to spread the newfound gossip that is thesuperficial.com

if you've ever read an issue of US or Star magazine in your entire life, this site is for you! not only does he update it everyday, but he dishes the REAL dirt!! he gives the scoop, and then he actually comments on it! and let me just say he's fuckin' hilarious!!

and his gossip is very up to date, so tune in as often as possible...god knows where he gets this shit!

www.thesuperficial.com

learn it, live it, love it.

corpse bridezilla

so i've loved tim burton and his movies for as long as i can remember. he has always been my favourite director, from the first time i ever layed eyes on beetlejuice.

for decades he's been dazzling audiences with his dark flicks who always have a comic twist! he's a director who enjoys the macabre and is delighted to delve deep into the supernatural with his gothic images and halloween twists. "corpse bride" marks burton's second release this year (the first being ofcourse the trippy "charlie and the chocolate factory") and his second stop-motion full-length animated feature film, the first being "the nightmare before christmas".

i think one of the main things i enjoy so much about his work is first and foremost his imagination; why just look at some of his ideas! edward scissorhands (un-fuckin' believable movie...hands down one of my most favourite!) to beetlejuice (beyond creative) to the tear-filled "big fish" (cried my eyes out) to "peewee's big adventure" to "sleepy hollow" to "ed wood".

his movies are known for their ability to create highly imaginative worlds that surround the characters in his stories, each one unique!

he has a vision that knows no bounds, and it almost seems like there's nothing he can't create. tim burton has never done something simply to impress critics, his work is for himself and no one else! we're just the ones who love it!!



the other thing i enjoy about this talented man, is the fact that he's not afraid to be morbidly weird. why just look at what he did with the "batman" story. while i totally fell in love with the newer batman flick, what tim did with the first two i thought was amazing. they will always be the best of the dark knight legacy.

so "corpse bride" begins this weekend, and i know i'm not alone when i say just how excited i am! carrying on in the dark romantic tradition of other classic tim burton films like edward scissorhands and the nightmare before christmas, it tells the tale of of victor, a young man whisked away to the underworld and wed to a mysterious corpse bride, while his real bride waits in the land of the living. while his time spent in the underworld proves to be more than exciting, he learns that there's nothing in this world or the next that can supposedly keep him from the woman he loves.

it's being advertised at a tale of optimism, romance, and the afterlife in classic tim burton style! starring the voices of johnny depp (a burton fave) and helena bonham carter, it's sure to be a winner!

check it out, yo!

baby spears

well it's official ladies and gents...britney's a mom! yesterday, shortly after 1pm in santa monica, california britney 'fatty' spears and husband kevin 'dirtbag' federline arrived at the hospital (with a police escort) shortly before 6 am and were whisked away into a birthing suite. a few hours later she was wheeled into a delivery room and within minutes via c-section, brit delivered a healthy baby BOY!!

awwww, good for her!

a source close to spears (i hate it when magazines say that) told US magazine that "pregnancy has not agreed with britney..." well DUH!!! have any of you seen the whale lately??? she was humongous! but i'll get to that in a minute.

although the couple has not yet legally named the baby, sources say they plan to name him "preston michael spears federline."

awwwww!

now onto the bitchiness: she was an ugly pregnant person! wasn't she? i mean, she just totally let herself go, and used it as an excuse to eat all the shit she wanted to! in short that girl did not take care of herself! and what was with cutting her hair off? who told her THAT was a good idea, she looked more like a cracked out courtney love than anything else!! in short she was totally missing the radiance that most glowing pregnant women have!

so she's a mother at 24...good for her! probably not so good for her career...can you see her bouncing back from having a child? doubtful, if you ask me...verrrrry doubtful!

consider this; i mean she'll be off for at least a year from the biz, then when she's actually ready to come back to it all she'll probably be able to live off her earnings for a few more years...then she'll become lazy and push it off for a bit longer...then before you know it you're gold-digger of a husband will have gambled away all your cash, you'll be addicted to perkaset, jamie-lynn will be dancin' for twonies at the titty twister, and you're boy'll be pimpin' the streets of kentucky or whatever lil' hick town that you be finding yourselves in!!

i think her next single should be a lullabye...wouldn't that be sweet? or maybe a remake of "you are my sunshine".

then her and i would really be tight.

off to school

my lil' one is off to school tomorrow night. yuppers, jet starts obedience training tomorrow evening...and well, i'm a little bit terrified!

why's that you ask? well for those of you who don't know my youngest child, lemme just tell you that he's basically a hellion on four paws!! sometimes i think he should be black or red to mirror his behaviour! his sleek white fur is a mere facade; a mask to his deviant attitudes! he's BAD, BAD I TELL YOU!!

well i'm exaggerating a tad, but you get the drift!! he's a puppy, and he has some issues to work out...scratch that, I'VE apparently got some 'father' issues to work out! from what i hear the instructor's gonna tell me i'm the worst dog-owner that ever lived, and it's my fault he's so badly behaved.

why am i putting myself through all this??? i don't wanna come out of this feeling worse about myself!!! this is supposed to be beneficial, not harming to my ego!!! and i don't take criticism very well when it comes to my children, so if the dude gets all up in my face and insults my 'fathering' techniques i'm gonna have to bite my tongue to stop myself from sayin' something.

no i'm not that confrontational, but you know what i mean.

i just hope he doesn't go and bite some poor lil' yorkie and give himself rabies...


wish me luck!

mima

well a shout out to renia (a catchphrase i coined just in time...one that i should copyright since it's spreading like wildfire) and their killer "naughty office party" this year; sorry i didn't comment on it before now!! but you guys did a rawkin' job!

but today's entry is mainly a lil' wee tribute to miss mima herself! yes, you maria aaboe! we'll certainly miss you while you're away, friday nights just won't be the same without you! and while i'm certain that she's cursing the shit outta me right now for posting her breasts all over the internet...what can you do?!?
it ain't the first time i seen 'em!!!! tee hee!!

we love you maria, so sail safe, and remember; one hand for the boat, one for yourself!!

kisses



i couldn't resist this one. i'm sure my honey's too proud right now!!

plageurism

now i know i seem to pick on tara reid a lot lately, (poor thing, eh?) but i found this article and peed a little when i read it!!!! it's total plageurism, but i give kudos to the bloke who thought it up!!!



Tara Reid's designer handbag was stolen at the Spanish isle of Ibiza's airport on Sunday. The Balenciaga handbag contained $180,000 worth of jewelry, including a Rolex watch that apparently had "sentimental value," a detail which her publicist hopes will garner our sympathies but won't because we're all going to snicker self-righteously instead and here's why:

Why is it that Tara Reid has $180,000 worth of jewelry and a Balenciaga handbag and I don't? I would have at least kept an eye on it, and then I would have cherished the handbag and worn the jewelry and splurged on some breast implants and liposuction procedures that weren't conducted in a back-alley and been grateful for my fame and fortune which I would have deserved. Sure, that would essentially make me a tranny with expensive taste, but so what? I'd still be more sensible and demure than Tara Reid, who, if recent history has taught us anything, probably drank her handbag. God, she did drink her handbag, didn't she? Fess up, Reid! You drank your own handbag is a drunken stupor, didn't you? Didn't you, Rummy? Bah, what's the point? She's already passed out.

last night a dj saved my life

i was thinking the other day about groups in society, especially those who follow dj culture...and i was wondering; does everybody who's part of a certain societal movement/group think that this movement began and ended with them?

take dj culture for example; or ravers if you will. i started going to parties about 6 years ago, just about the time when this culture was fuckin' booming! i mean macleans magazine even had a full spread about the newfound 'underground music' fascination. flyers were everywhere, and there was a rockin' party to go to EVERY weekend! they were so popular, the train station downtown even opened up their doors to us!! yes, that's right...yours truly 'indulged' and danced away till the wee morning hours in halifax's own lil' train station! anyways, they were HUGELY popular!

and they remained that way for the next few years...then, suddenly our fair little city just kinda turned on them...venues shut their doors and there just weren't any places to have them anymore. they started having weekly bar nights...but they just weren't the same. picture the electropolis (on lower water street) packed to the tits with 1500 to 2000 people, with the most slammin' dj you can think of spinnin' the craziest records, all atop a 10 foot high stage with a trippy light show complete with lasers for all our viewing pleasure. not to mention the fact that you couldn't even see the ceiling, and when you could you might even catch a glimpse of a few left-over props from "lexx" that were being stored there overnight. (once they had this ginormous lobster hanging from the ceiling...trippy, just trippy!) and compare all that to a silly lil' night at reflections where you're kicked out at 3:30...and there's just no comparaison!

so now all us veterans are left with only pictures of that time, and a few fuzzy memories where we're all a little sketchy on the details! but looking back, the narcissist in all of us takes the credit for making this scene so popular back in it's day. and if you ask me, i'd say we were!! but were we really? did the rave scene really begin and end with us? were we responsible for making it as big as it really was? and then for letting the scene die?

it's funny looking back at old photos of that time; even funnier to run into an old raver on the street cause everybody has changed sooo much. we really were like a little family. i mean when you hang out with the same people every weekend, you kinda get used to having them around.

but what happened? did this sudden halt in raves happen all around the world? or is it just because halifax stopped having them that the interest suddenly wained? well the answer my friends, can be seen all around you; why just google "ibiza" and you'll come up with millions of links to the most jammin' party island in the world where the culture is alive and well. and not going anywhere! or at the very least look in the electronica section at hmv the next time you visit; cause it certainly still thrives!

therefore the conclusion i come to is that halifax just wasn't ready for such an underground culture to be a part of it's day to day society, and thus the culture died off. well at least part of it did. the music part is still thumpin' (pardon my pun), and not just on the east coast. electronica will be around all over the world for as long as time. the scene has simply evolved into something a bit more vast and less concentrated.

poser-lovers of electronica music will come and go, but the trained eye can always spot a 'lifer'; we're the ones you see on the street tappin' their foot or bobbin their whole body, to a beat that can only be heard in their head!

and ps, the painting at the top is by justin bua (my favourite artist) entitled appropriately "the dj". i urge you to check out his urban art (justinbua.com)

beautiful as always

how beautiful is my lil' sweet!! she's sepposedly the new face for gucci westman's new make-up line: rose mystére! good for her! it's about time that people started recognizing the eternal beauty of this lady...although i must admit i kinda wish she'd go back to blonde...or atleast to a darker shade of the color she's sporting right now...but still beautiful!!

i love you drew

rich x-tina

so did you hear that russian billionaire andrey melnichenko paid christina aguilera (pictured at left during her x-tina identity crisis) 3.6 million dollars to sing two freakin' songs at his wedding?!? isn't that the most retarded thing you've ever heard?

now don't get me wrong, i love lil' miss aguilera...i have her stripped cd, and whenever "dirrty" comes on downtown, my body begins thrusting out of control...HOWEVER, i can think of many, many, many, many (how many many's is that?) other artists who if i had 3.6 million to throw away, would rather spend it on to have them sing a ditty at the ceremony!!

true she has a gorgeous voice, and according to one wedding guest there wasn't a dry seat in the house when she sang "beautiful" (an amazing song, very heartfelt), but it's only christina aguilera!! come on, buddy!! now to christina this is probably an insane amount of cash...especially since she got a free trip to the south of france out of the deal too! not to mention accomodations in a 1400 dollar a night resort!! all compliments of the russion wacko!!

well good for her, i guess! i mean if someone out there is that big a fan of the former mouseketeer, and has apparently money to burn...why not?

personally i hope that for 3.6 million, she better have fuckin' joined them in bed or something!! or atleast given him a hand job!!

what's sexy now?

* tight tops (boys and girls)
* women dressing modestly
* pin stripe suits on men.
* velvet evening jackets
* large tattoos (instead of lots of scattered little ones)
* platinum blondes
* natural soft brunettes
* classic cell phone ring tones
* rock and roll (always)
* martinis
* coronas
* speaking french
* eating healthy
* people who don't know they're sexy
* button-down shirts for men
* natural-looking make-up/no make-up at all
* dark denim
* big sunglasses
* men who carry bags
* holding doors for strangers
* big smiles
* being comfortable in your own skin
* dancing (always sexy)
* skirts that aren't microscopic, but still flirty
* sleeping naked in summer
* sleeping in comfy pajamas in fall
* boys with pocket pooches
* women with dobermans
* having a sense of humor
* enjoying the smaller things
* letting your hair grow
* exercising
* skinny-dippin'
* sleeping in
* iPods
* having smooth skin
* celebs creating scents (a la sarah jessica parker)
* uggs for fall
* house music
* boxing boots
* bubble baths
* black

anything to add?

miss trash

poor tara reid...what ever happened to lil' miss american pie? do you remember her way back then? she played the virgin-girl-next-door in that movie, who desperately wanted to lose it to her boyfriend on prom night...the way she always dreamed of! now look at her!!! all cracked out, and without a shred of dignity. maybe she should use some of that money to buy herself a clue!

the thing is with poor tara, she had a run of semi-ok movies for a while there; the american pie flicks were fun, and she had a few romantic comedies thrown in for good measure...and actually i don't know if any of you saw the indie-date-rape-party movie"body shots" but if you haven't, i suggest you check it out.

but that's all in the past, cause now the former miss maxim magazine (she was the only one to ever have two cover issues in the same year) has since become the front-slut for "wild on", and has since fallen back into her dirty party-ways (see above photo), and back with that silly little booze-soaked entourage (so jealous) including the likes of lindsay-coked-out-lohan (love you) and paris-marrying-someone-with-same-name-hilton (see you at the wedding)...

it's sad when celebs do this; they try to reform their images, allowing themselves to be quoted saying things like "i don't want to be known as the drunk girl anymore...i want to be taken serious", then they turn around the next day and get boob implants, and a week later get caught having a "wardrobe mafunction" and flash the new goods to everyone in front of thousands!!

my advice miss reid is to straighten up and fly right if you really want to be taken seriously as an actress, and try to salvage any bit of dignity that you can scrape up...or if you just want to keep up your wild ways, then shut the fuck up and deal with it!!

it's fame...it's sepposed to be dirty!

blake and joey get animated

me and harls

the little prince

i can't tell you how excited i am to finally know how to upload pictures on my blog. now i promise you that even though i now know how to add photos, i won't cut out my verbal-frenzy-whipping-topics of discussion! but i may go a little crazy at first, cause it's so damn fun!!!

now the reason i decided to have my first picture be one of "the little prince", or for all you francophones (and for those of you who simply read the book in french) "le petit prince", he's the most wonderful character in literature today!! written by antoine de-saint-exupéry as what started out as a childrens novel, "the little prince" evolved into one of the most lovely stories ever told. yours truly read it in grade 12 french class, and fell in love with the story on the spot.

it tells the tale of a little prince who lives on a small little planet, all by himself somewhere out there in the galaxy. it chronicles his search for a friend in a universe that seems too vast. along the way he meets many a different character all the while trying to avoid the baobabs (the bad guys).

the great thing about it, is that while originally written for children, it evolved into a HUGE cult classic novel adored by the likes of many. melanie used to come home from raves and get all cuddled up on the coach (still whacked) and smoke cigarettes and read the little prince!!! too much fun! we even had a theory that the little prince was a raver; why just look at his spiky hair and wide pants!!

from a certain angle, he kinda looks like me! don't you think?

anyways, the wee book is available on the internet if you google "the little prince" it comes right up. so you have no excuse not to read it. i urge you all to indulge, and enjoy the magic that is...the little prince!

drew love

"can an ordinary guy land a date with drew barrymore? brian herzlinger gave himself 30 days to find out"

this is the header of a people magazine article about some joe-blow-schumck (yes, i'm a tad jealous) who decided to pursue a childhood crush he had on drew barrymore, in hopes of scoring a date with the luscious voluptuary. check out his pitch:

single mensch, 29, seeking date-just one-with beautiful charlie's angels star of boyhood dreams. l.a.-based aquarius filmmaker enjoys quirky challenges, singing in cars and grease 2 (puh-leeze). looking for one very special actress who believes in fate...

you get the drift. i don't know if you've heard of him or not, but his story even made it onto entertainment tonight, (and apparently into people magazine). this guy made a documentary called "my date with drew" (how original), in which he tries every trick in the book to land a date with his idol. he chronicles his quest, from a practice date with a drew look-alike, to a painful attempt at a chest wax (pussy). while the premise sounds like a pretty desperate attempt to score a date of ANY kind...it might have merit...IF IT WEREN'T MY DREAM HE'S IMPEDING ON!!??!!

and listen to this; when asked why drew, he says "for her to get through the child-actor phase and become one of the biggest stars in the world, and to retain this positive outlook on life-i respect her for that"...i'm pretty sure i said the exact same thing before...grrr...

now i'm not sure if i've ever spoken about my LOVE for drew in the past (on my blog), but if i haven't let me please clarify her and i's relationship; i've loved her longer than any of my other celebrity bitties! drew and i have had a connection since i first started watching movies. hello, Gertie?!? and we've continued to grow in eachothers eyes ever since. she, a troubled teen...struggling with alcohol and drugs, and the pressures of fame, all to rise above and become a beautiful butterfly...not to mention fantastic actor, producer, and template for positive thinking...i a faithful lover of her movies, her views, her tattoos, her fashion sense...we're so tight, as you can see.

i guess you could say that she's had a profound effect on how i look at the world today; she tends to find beauty in everything and tries to not let herself be taken by the negative side of things, and enjoys every minute of the day.

i've stood by her as she made mistakes; hello, tom green! but never judged, for it was never my place to intervene, and praised her for her better choices; the current fabrizio moretti (fantastic name by the way, dude) with whom i sincerely hope sticks around...if it has to be somebody (other than me) then he's a worthy candidate, so was luke wilson...but i don't know what happened there!

so i encourage you to find this character "brian herzlinger" and bash his docu-movie about my sweet drew...cause let's face it, i thought of it first...

DANCE DANCE DANCE

so if this were a normal monday afternoon, dancing would be a tad bit far from my mind...however, this is not a normal monday afternoon. this particular monday is my first official day with my new fully loaded toy.

what new toy would that be, you ask? well, that would be my new iPOD!!!!! oh, iPOD how do i love thee, let me count the ways...one, two, three, just kidding!!

so i'm here to tell you that there's no better way to start a monday off than with a good fuckin' dance song. i mean, honestly besides a quickie before you shower, can you think of a better way to start a monday off with than a swift kick to your temples with a pounding dance track? well stop thinking about it, cause there isn't!!

we all know that music makes the world go 'round. and one of the most splendiferous side-effects of music, is the movement it produces. i'm talkin' about DANCING!!! groovin', shakin', swayin' to the music! whatever your style; dirty, breaks, hooch, rock, metal, electric!!!

dancing is, in my opinion the purest form of self expression there is! there's something completely primal about dancing. when you find yourself lost in the beat and you envision yourself as the only person on the dance floor...now that's a higher state!

my friends say that when i get into it, i get this look on my face; we call it joey's dancin' face. my expression contorts, and i kinda purse out my lips and get this "GIV'ER" look in my eyes!!!! it's sometimes mixed with spontaneous tongue thrusts to the air, and girrating motions. the whole process has proven to be contageous and highly addictive.

i mean come on, when's the last time you went out dancin' and didn't feel fuckin' amazing afterwards?? (liquor and drug effects not counting). there's so much endorphins that are produced into the body when you dance, and it's probably the best high you can get.

if i haven't heard beats in a while, i get this rumbling down inside...and the only way to release it, is to DANCE DANCE DANCE!!! just fuck everything going on at work, and anything stressful in your life, and just give yourself over to the music! surrender everything and just let your body move!!

and if you have to think about the last time you had a dance party (whether out in a club setting or in the comfort of your own home) then it's been too long.

so step away from that computer screen, (wherever you are), but on a kick ass song and bust a move! it's true what they say; when you dance, the whole world dances with you!!!

shake it

the BIG 5 results

Extroversion results were very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun.

Emotional Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Accommodation results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex).

Inquisitiveness results were moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.



i don't know if i should have posted these results...don't hate me cause i'm neurotic...

evian

so i'm totally in love with evian water...i know it's almost pretentious these days to be drinking a big fat bottle of evian water while you're all dressed up at work, (why is that actually, how did evian become the bottled water of champions?) but i must say that coming from someone who drinks a 1.5 litre bottle of water daily, evian is totally hitting the spot lately!

now you can tell me it's from the french alps, and that it's been filtered time and time again, till you're blue in the face...but what it really comes down to, is the TASTE!!

you know how some people have a refined palatte for wine, others for beer, (i'm currently working on perfecting both), well i have one for bottled water! it's quite the trait that i developed over the years...mostly since becoming an employee at the department (due to the fact that it can get irretatingly dry in here, and water's been my only saviour), but i'm talkin' i can take the freakin' pepsi taste test challenge any ol' day of the silly week with bottled water and kick anybody's ass even with a cold! and as pretentious as it may seem, evian's got the best flavor!

now when shopping for a bottle of water for pure refreshment purposes, it may be tempting to go for the life brand generic brand of water for a mere .99 cents. HOWEVER i urge all of you NOT to, cause you will be disappointed. not only is it foul in taste, but i don't shoppers drug mart can filter water to save it's life...hence the foulness factor. if water could grow mold, then shoppers' life brand water would win the blue ribbon in that contest.

the next product i suggest bypassing is dasani bottled water. while alluring with it's clear blue bottle, and it's tease of refreshing-ness, it's price tag of $1.99 is just simply not worth it. if you're going to spend this much on a bottle of water, then you might as well splurge and go for evian.

whilst evian sells for a whopping $2.49 a bottle, as soon as you take your first long gulp of it's crystal clear taste...you'll know why. i guarantee you'll be taken by it's smoothness and the way that it gushes down your throat and through your whole body, bringing a burst of freshness and cool to every inch...you can almost taste the french alps with every sip you take.

so the next time you're in the drugstore purchasing refreshment in a bottle, cast your eyes upon that beautiful bottle of evian...it really is as wonderful as they say!

a weekend like no other

well all that worrying was for nothing,
as open arms i was greeted with,
the fear of meeting the parents,
was thankfully just a myth.

we swam, built sand-castles,
and soaked up the sun,
we ate turkey and vegan cookies,
and chatted with dad and mum.

we played reverse hide-and-seek,
while drinking southern C and gin,
saw a meteor shower,
had so much fun it was a sin.

dear andy and his dummys,
deserve a stance all of their own,
his property was a sight,
so go enjoy or condone.

it was a weekend like no other,
filled with debauchery and fun,
i almost can't believe,
i flashed that car my little bum!


♪best weekend ever♪

meet the hunsleys

in two wee days,
they'll get to meet the one,
who after all this time,
has fallen in love with their son.

we're travelling on a bus,
to somewhere on the bay,
to a quaint little cottage,
where the family comes to stay.

i've heard so much about them,
little Miss Betty and her Bob,
i hope my crazy hair, tattoos, and piercing,
don't cause them to sob.

i'll be on my best behaviour,
while visiting with the clan,
be sure to keep my nose clean,
so they accept me as i am.

looking forward to eating well,
and visiting with the 'rents,
walking along the water,
and maybe playing in the tent.

oh how i hope they like me,
and are taken by my charm,
Mr. and Mrs. Hunsley,
i hope you greet me with open arms!

blondes have more fun

so the doors to work have been open for only 6 minutes this morning, and already i've had 2, count 'em 2 compliments on my hair!!! first tony, (the cute straight man i work with) who asked me where i get my hair done, due to the fact that he's thinking of getting blonde highlights soon too. and then another cute young man (a customer this time) asked me the same thing!! all in the span of like 10 minutes!!! now i'm not tooting my own blowhorn or anything, actually i'm more surprised than flattered...especially since i didn't do anything special to it this morning!

but then it got me thinking; if my hair were currently brown, it probably would not evoke the same reaction that it does when it's blonde!

now coming from someone who's hair's been every color under the rainbow (well not every color) i must say that i have always been partial to blonde. so the saying is totally true in my opinion; not only do blondes have more fun, but they ARE more fun!! now it's not a cry-out for attention or anything, even though we all know i'm sometimes a whore for it, but i've been a brunette, a redhead and i've even had black hair...and i must say that when i'm blonde, that's when you turn the most heads!!

there's something about a blonde that just catches the eye. not that they're more attractive, but it just draws attention!! whereas darker colors tend to fade into the background. you can see a buxomous blonde coming at you a mile away!! what's funny is that i don't normally find blondes attractive (hence my brunette of a honey), although i must say that brad pitt as a blonde totally turns my hardcore crank!!

but as the weather changes, so does the hair color...there's just something about being blonde in a snowstorm that doesn't quite work...

i do

have you noticed recently the rising number of stars OUR AGE who are getting ready to wed? avril lavigne, nicole richie, paris hilton, pink, christina aquilera...and the average age of these people is what, like 23?!? is this all of a sudden appropriate for people to get married at such a ripe age? is marriage suddenly dare i say, trendy??

personally i find it just hilarious that all these people are friends too!!! and they're all about the same age. what did they just wake up one day and all decide they want to get married...then all they had to do was find some poor schmuck to propose, and what, a new trend is born?!?

my parents got married when they were 18 years old...crazy, eh? and they're still together. yes, my tree-huggin'-hippy-earth-lovin' parents are still in love...isn't that cute? but sad as it is to say, i don't think that "paris and paris" will be joining my parents as part of the statistical group that stays together.

and on that note; isn't it just typical hilton behaviour to find/fall in love with someone who shares the same frickin' name as you??? (for those of you who don't know, paris hilton is currently engaged to paris latis; a greek shipping heir a few years her junior...fuckin' hilarious isn't it?? and he's greasy too, and not greasy in a good johnny depp way either)

personally i love the idea of getting married young...sure it's not for everyone, and i don't think that it's completely necessary to carve one's relationship in stone (like the idea of marriage suggests) if it's just not your cup of tea...why just look at goldie hawn and kurt russell...they have what, like 3 kids together. and they've been 'TOGETHER' for like 15 years...and yet there's no ring on either one of their fingers! isn't that interesting? well good for them, i say.

as for you little trend pimps out there (that means you nicole richie)...this is just one instance where you're going to have to pass the "i did it first" torch and admit...that britney did it first!!! even if all your dirty/skanky husbands-to-be don't even come close to being as repulsive as hers is...

wait, is that a good thing?

sugar coated

recently i have come to the realization that my love for dj's has never weaned. it's been alive and well inside me all these years, just waiting for it's revival!! whatever happened to it? was it on hiatus during my pacifico/bar star stint? why the resurgance all of a sudden?

misstress barbara, dj lafleche, anabolic frolic, paul oakenfold (god), paul van dyk, carl cox, john the dentist, miss honey dijon, ferry corsten, dj collette, angel alanis, angel moraes, dj feelgood, roger sanchez, micro, john kelly, dj dan, bad boy bill, deep dish, mark farina, jamiroquai, bassment jaxx, daft punk...i could go on forever!

trance, house, drum n' bass, techno, speed garage, jungle, breaks, happy hardcore
ELECTRONICA

not saying that my wee pacifico will ever really get old in my eyes, it's always a good starter-bar...but i think it's just that maybe the tunes there been gettin' a tad tired. GIMME SOME FUCKIN' BEATS, brotha!!!!!!!

NICE ONE BROTHA!!!!!! nice one brotha!!! NICE ONE BROTHA!!!!! nice one brotha!!!!!

i've seen more dj's live than could sink a ship!! i've dosed, i've tweaked, i've grooved, i've sang, i've mashed, i've shimmied, i've bounced, and i've lived to tell the tale...

now tell me, honestly...when's the last time you shook it?

shocking urban legend

so i was reading up on my legends last night, and came across one that i found particularly disgusting;

so a woman found herself in desperate need of a quick tan. asking around she found that each tanning salon's maximum session for the day was 20 minutes. thinking she found a way around the system, she decided to visit each salon in town every day for about a week in hopes of getting a dark tan as quickly as possible. after a few days she discovered that there was an awful smell emanating from her body, and no matter how many times she bathed, she just couldn't seem to make it go away. she decides to visit her doctor, and finds out that the uv rays from all the tanning beds had actually begun to melt her insides, and she only had a few days to live...hence the nauseating smell...

isn't that gross?

summer of

LOVE, friends, SEX, drinking, beaches, patios, sunshine, tanning, dancing, music, new york, montreal, hotels, hostels, clubbing, shopping, drugs, working, swimming, pools, lakes, pooches, visits, good times, pacifico, reflections, self-tanner, blogging, movies, skinny-dipping, CORONA, flip-flops, uggs, cowboy boots, naughty-office-party 2005, birthdays (renia), sand, warm weather, black eyed peas, mc mario sun factory 2005, balcony naughtiness, the commons, smoothies, exercise, exhibitionism, late-nights, parties, debauchery, horse-back riding, soy-ground-round tacos, popsicles, photos, digital camera videos, downloads, porn, lubricant, numbing cream, getting tied up, skimpy clothing, going commando, meeting parentals, kissing, mini-golf, mini-getaways, rolling down hills, picnicing, taking adventures to places you've never been, riding in airplanes, smiling uncontrollably, speaking french, laughing, dance parties, destroying freezers, chemicals, good food, coasting, people-watching, maxin', relaxin', sleeping naked, avoiding housework, hippy feet, blonde hair, bermuda shorts, recycling, composting, peein' puppys, energy drinks, spending money, boat cruises, being dirty in the commons, sunglasses, fun hats from the 70's, being creative, singing in the shower, adrenaline, concerts, bands, dj's, playing in the sun...

whew.

summer breeze

ahhhh, summer daze...that certainly depicts the mood these days...and god do i love it!!!

there's no better season, is there? the high temperatures, the rooftop patios, the hot sun, the scantily clad people...what's not to love???

the birds have come back to visit, everybody's got a bronzey glow (whether they want it or not!!), the flip-floppy sound of flip flops can be heard for miles around, everybody's showing off their tattoos, and did i mention the scantily clad bodies??

i'm even love with the word...SUMMER!!! doesn't it just bring beautiful images to mind??

i love how everybody's much calmer during summer...hardly a care in the world, everyone just seems to be going about their merry way...except for the people who visit the rmv on any given day...but we're not complaining...besides, it's too nice a day out to argue...

♪go do something fun♪

things i love about summer...

ahem...

1. waking up to the sun shining through my bedroom window.
2. waking up next to the man i love, with the sun shining through my window...
3. wearing flip-flops and sandals, and swearing off socks until the cold weather returns.
4. that first time of the year when you dive into the pool/lake/ocean, and you feel the water rush over your skin.
5. the silky feeling of a cool breeze over your skin on a hot day...that metaphor was blake's, so i can't take complete credit for it's sexiness!
6. the beach; plain and simple. i love the sand, i love the surf, i love the view, i love the people watching. but if i had to pick one particular aspect, i'd have to say the sand is my favourite; there's nothing like feeling sand trickle through your finger tips. i used to hate when my feet would get wet and the sand would stick to them...now i love the grittiness of it all!
7. how the sun stays out so much longer in the summertime, and seems to always be there; it's there when we wake up, and it only sets just before the day ends.
8. going for late evening walks when the air is still warm, with just a tinge of crispness.
9. being able to hang out OUTSIDE in general, and not be cooped up indoors all day and night.
10. getting a tan, and shedding our pale winter skin for a bronze summer glow. (or in my case a sometimes-orangey-beta-karotene-fake-n'-bake-kinda-stain).
11. enjoying a cold beer (mmm corona) on a patio somewhere downtown on a hot sunny day...
12. sunsets and sunrises...can't get any better ones than summer ones...i think it's got something to do with those pink skies!!
13. and last but not least; one of my favourite things about summer is being able to wear as little clothing as possible!! now don't get me wrong, i LOVE clothes but being able to wear minimal restricting clothing and get away with it in public is totally sexy and enthralling!! board shorts, a lil' t-shirt and flip flops is my official summer wardrobe of choice!!

a joey

many a friend have traveled the world (for business and for pleasure). i've seen my peeps visit ireland, denmark, france, germany, rome, egypt, even the states!!! and one thing that has always remained a constant factor in their travel stories is "A Joey".

what do i mean by A JOEY you ask? i mean that when they go away, they always manage to meet A Joey substitute, therefore becoming their "denmark joey", or their "european Joey"...a wannabe joey, if you will; someone who embodies Joey-like qualities and who reminds them of the REAL joey they left behind in halifax.

now before i go any further, i'm just going to state the obvious right now: there's only ONE joey in this world! and i'm sure you can all vouch for me when i say that the world is better off, for it simply couldn't handle more than one!

has anyone ever said something to you like "oh my god, i met your twin while i was away!!" or "i met someone exactly like you on the other side of the world"??? personally i find it almost insulting when someone says that they met someone EXACTLY like me...for it casts doubt on my uniqueness as an individual!!

and what exactly does it take to be A Joey?? what qualities are in question here? would it be my sometimes-annoying-often-addictive-laugh, or perhaps my joie-de-vivre, or maybe my optimistic point of view?? or it could be my other, not so attractive, make-you-wanna-curl-up-and-cry qualities they speak of...but i'm not gonna mention them here, cause it's my blog and not yours!!!

but all in all we're unique!! we may possess SOME qualities that exist in others, but never forget; you are your own person!! just kiddin', but seriously...if ever you need your ego stroked a little bit, or if you're thinkin' that you might just be a little TOO normal...just remember:

♪no one likes you...i mean, there's no one like you!!♪

neigh neigh's

so picture this, my mother, her gay son, and his lovely boyfriend all tucked away in the wee keefe volkswagoon golf, on their way to the farm to ride us some horses!!

it was definitely a first for yours truly, and one i can't wait to do again!

i used to ride horses when i was a lad, and i actually became quite good at it too, but when poor christopher reeves (r.i.p) fell off his horse and broke his neck...that was the end of my life as an equestrian...until saturday!!!!

so we ventured out to hammonds plains...which might i add is waaaay more in the boonies than my drunk-prom-date-ass remembered!! (we went to hatfield farms for our after prom party...hence the drunkenness!!) and there we met our horses: blake had Ranger; a brown and white lil' fella who tried unsuccesfully to knock my lil' honey off the saddle once or twice. my momma had Winnie; a gorgeous dark brown lil' guy with a white star on it's muzzle, who reminded me of "Sorry" one of the horses i used to ride as a tot. and i had Casper; who was mostly white (fittingly) and was quite the little piggy, due to the fact that he kept trying to eat grass and other random greens along the trail. all in all the ride was exceptionally wonderful with many a memories formed! we almost broke out into a trot, but blakerson's stirrups were too long and for fear of falling off, we/he digressed. although my mother, being the sneaky lil' lady that she is, kept slowing down and stopping completely so that she could then catch up with us by trotting quickly...isn't she bad???

i've always been fond of horses; probably stemming from their depiction in fairy tales as the mystical creatures they are! and i knew growing up that i desperately wanted to ride them. horseback ride them, that is...i even used to call them neigh neigh's...

isn't that cute? ahem...

fetish

all over the world, including our little metropolis of halifax, every now and then you hear about these fun little costume parties called "fetish balls", where you come dressed up as your favourite fetish. they're world renowned as the masquerade ball to end all masquerade balls, where freaks, geeks, and kinks can come together in a celebration of the things that get them off!

i've always been intrigued by the idea of attending one such ball; not only would i find it a fascinating study into the hidden psyche of the human race...but also because i think it would be just plain HOT!!!

fetishes and kinks are a part of what makes up our sexual identity. some of us embrace them, acting on them and enjoying the thrill they can provide, others keep them 'tied up' deep inside our subconscious, never letting them out 'to play'...how we act on them is a personal choice, but i emplore the ones who can put them out there and enjoy them. now while there's a line that must be drawn between what's an acceptable display of such fetishes, and what's just down right inappropriate...i wont dictate what that line may be. what i'm interested in is the ways that people explore them in a safe and healthy manner...and one that's as kinky as possible!!

any reader of savage love knows just what kind of person is out there, and just what sort of kinks exist. basically, take the most sick and perverted sexual act you can think of, and you can almost guarantee that there's someone out there who's into it; let's explore some examples shall we: well there's the obvious fetishes that we all know about (the ones that are almost too mainstream now that don't really shock you anymore when you see it depicted as a topic of discussion on "the view") such as leather, bondage, domination, submission etc, etc, etc. but what about the darker ones; like the guy out there who gets off by looking at pregnant women? that's a little kinky, isn't it? what about the person who has a diaper fetish? what about DIRTY diaper fetishes? or golden showers? or people who enjoy being shit on!!!

i mean anything you can think of, no matter how demented it may seem to you...i guarantee you there's a website devoted to it!!

now fetishes are a form of fantasies, right? and fantasies are socially acceptable. so can fetishes ever be considered wrong? obviously the ones that go against society's laws should be considered a tad bit tabboo, and well obviously any involving children or animals should be unheard of...but if a fetish is more or less safe, and both parties (or all parties) are willing and eager, and no one is hurt (against their will) can we really descriminate against what gets someone off???

and even if our kink is a bit more vanilla than someone else's raunch...who are we do descriminate against them? as long as it fits into the aforementioned categories (ie safe, not involving puppies...) then why can't we just live and let kink?!?

that's why i love the ideas of a ball that celebrates the uniqueness of everyone's sexuality! if someone wants to come dressed in a kinky clown outfit, or someone else wants to come as a corpse...then so be it!

do you have a fetish? personally, i've always been into spandex...now don't judge, but there's always been something about it that has always made me so hot!! now i know it's a privelege and not a right...but in the bedroom, anything goes...am i right? and i know that the idea of restraints is a tad bit vanilla by today's standards...but the idea of being restrained and blind-folded while your partner(s) are free to perform any kink they want on you...my, my, my...

is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

how i spent my summer vacation...

well it would make sense for me to write this entry in french, but currently i am sitting at the greeter's desk at work, and my little page that tells me how to type accents is at my other desk!! so english it is!! plus more people will be able to read it if i type in english, so it's a win-win.

well blake and i hit the city of montreal, and we hit it hard!! (definitely left our mark...and lot's of money too!!)

let's recap shall we; we did old montreal, (probably one of my favourite parts; between the architecture and the scenery and the mere beauty of this part of the city which remains so well preserved and upkept...there's nothing like it), we did little italy (definitely defined by it's steel gates, and it's winding stairways leading up to it's italien style villa buildings), we did china town (very different than the china town in new york; but more quaint and less abrasive).

we visited the basilica of notre dame, (yes the buiding where celine herself was married...it's probably the most breath-taking church i've ever seen, defined by it's fine detail/craftsmanship and the fact that every square foot of the basilica is hand-painted. despite my not being the tad bit a practicing catholic, i still lit a candle in the basilica for someone, it was a sweet idea!

we hit st. josephs oratory, built by st joseph himself...it was situated atop mount royal in a quaint little neighbourhood called cote des neiges (which blake and i decided would be our neighbourhood of choice if and when we decided to move there.) it had the most beautiful view of the whole city, and if you're downtown montreal you can look up and spot the cross that sits atop the highest point on the oratory. there's also st. joseph's tomb that you can visit down below, and let me tell you it had the most calming atmosphere inside. that place was filled with such faith, you couldn't help but feel touched by the dedication that you can feel emanating from those walls.

we also hit la ronde; the amusement park owned by the same people who own six flags. every month they have a different country come and put on a pyrotechnics/fireworks show for the visitors of the park, and let me tell you i saw disney world fireworks and they had nothing on la ronde's!!! basically it was a performance, with music that was designed to almost narrate the fireworks!! it was definitely the highlight of the trip!!! they were the most beautiful and dazzling display of fireworks we had ever seen!!

among our other activitys, we visited the museum of modern art and saw some fuckin' trippy art. one that sticks out in our minds was this strange cylandric-like apparatus, that looked totally shabby and unfinished from the outside. there was a sign written by hand on the outside that said "walk-in and close the door". being absolutely terrified as to what might happen whilst on the inside from having done too many drugs in my lifetime (just kidding) i hesitated at first. but as soon as you walk in to the pitch black little room (maybe 2x3 feet)the whole thing lights up, and old style victorian music starts playing super loudly...let me just say, it was fuckin' crazy!!!! was it art? that's another story...

and ofcourse we hit some clubs...and one strip club...accidentally, of course!! it was weird, cause the average age for some of these clubs is 18, so the crowd was pretty young...too young at one of the clubs...but that didn't stop us from having a rockin' time!!

so there you have it folks, montreal at it's finest! for those of you who've visited before i'm sure you understand what i mean when i say how cool it was, and for those of you who are montreal virgins like my honey was...

i'll be happy to pop your cherries too!!

:)

batman

for every generation, there is a hero...for some it's superman, for others it's the incredible hulk, but for ours it's BATMAN...

what began so many years ago as a simple marvel comic strip about a man haunted by the memories of his past, who stalks the night in a bat suit avenging the death of his parents, has evolved into a film and franchise legacy that has surpassed all it's previous expectations.

many have doned the mask and cape; from michael keaton, to val kilmer, to george clooney...but this time around...it's someone new...you may recognize him from such movies like the sleeper hit "american psycho", "newsies", "swing kids", and even "a midsummer's nights dream". he who i speak of is christian bale, and let me tell you...he IS batman...

never has there been someone who embodies the batman i remember from the original strips as much as he. when i think of batman...christian bale has become who i think of. from his dark brooding features, to the tortured look in his eyes, to the fierceness in his brow...to his fuckin' wicked physique, might i add...he's the best choice EVER!!

watching the newest addition to the saga, (which tells itself in a prequel form) i almost wish they had never made any of the previous movies...but the fact that they have, and the fact that everyone watching was comparing it on some level to it's mediocre predecessors...made it 50 times more exciting and enjoyable!! there's many tie-ins, and inside details that only true batman fans will be able to pick out. it's very subtle the way all the details come together.

i hear that they're starting over completely!! they're going to basically remake the last few batman movies, but in this new and improved style!! (so stay tuned).

batman has always been my favourite superhero. not only is he my favourite, but he's the overall BEST. you put him and ol' spidey in the ring together and he'd wHoop spiderman's ass a hundred times over!! just look at those toys!!!!

consider also the superhero factors that make him better: billionaire playboy by day, bat by night...he's got more toys and gadgets and high-tech who-zits to sink a ship...the BATMOBILE...hello, enough said...and he's got the most anatomically correct costume of them all...which obviously has it's perks!!

so why has the legend of batman survived all these years?? not only has it been movies, it's been tv show, cartoons, action figures...the list goes on!! one things for sure, batman ain't going anywhere!! he's got staying power, just look at the actors that signed on to do this movie; gary oldman, morgan freeman, michael caine...even lil' miss katie holmes is on board!

the audience is continually moved by the story of bruce wayne, it's tragic, romantic and action-packed at the same time. batman begins keeps the integrity of the comic book story, but splices it up with a new dark side to the dark knight...we learn more, and more is definitely revealed to the back story of this intriguing character.

the darkness is definitely one of it's selling points, completely demolishing the fraudulent glamour that joel schumacher had adopted in the last few flicks. so if you're a fan...GO SEE IT!!!

♪enjoy♪

fake n' bake

shouldn't it be bake n' fake...instead of the other way around? cause really when you think about it, you bake first...then by baking in a fake manner, you end up fakin' it...right?

have you ever considered why having tanned skin is so desired? what is it about having a little bit of a glow to your appearance that society finds so alluring? and it doesn't even have to be a real glow. it can be sprayed on, rubbed on, pasted on, burned on...even tanning by osmosis in those silly little tanning beds with fake uv rays is considered beautiful!

is it merely an esthetic thing? let's face it, having a tan looks healthy. the skin looks alive and radiant, and full of energy.

think about it, when the human being orgasms there is an increased level of blood flow to the face, causing one to blush uncontrollably. this 'blush' is the natural reaction the body has to being turned on, therefore it makes sense for us to be attracted to someone with color. the female baboon's bum becomes engorged and turns a bright shade of red when she's in heat, therefore allerting all the male baboon's that she's in her prime.

so as you can see, even the most primitive primates are attracted to color in some way, shape or form. we've just taken it to the next level!!

in my opinion having tanned skin reminds everyone of summer, and since we all make such positive associations with summertime, it's no wonder we all enjoy having a glow about us!

so i guess in conclusion we can sum up that having a tan not only reminds us of everyone's favourite season, but appears healthy, and brings us back to the way we appear during sex...

does that cover everything?

♪get out there and enjoy, people! surf's up!!♪

tommy lee

so i'm currently reading tommy lee's biography, titled "tommyland". and i must say, i'm completely taken and intrigued by him! not only do i find him completely sexy, but i now (amidst his prose) find him completely and 100% fascinating!!

for all you tommy-neophites, i'll lend you a bit of back-story info: born thomas lee bass in athens, greece in 1962 he was raised in a california suburb by an american father and a greek mother. at the ripe young age of 17 when we were just getting over puberty and trying to get used to exams and our raging hormones, tommy joined a band by the name of motley crue, and they became one of the baddest-ass rock bands in history. along with fellow band mates nikki sixx (...) the sold over 40 million albums, wreaked havoc, married porn stars, lived large, shot drugs, and truly became the figurative embodiment of what was meant by the saying "sex, drugs, and rock n' roll".

in the mid 90's, he married someone you may or may not have heard of, by the name of pamela anderson, with whom he had two beautiful boys.

he's since toned down his hard-knock life and begun to concentrate on creating the best life/environment for his two growing boys (both 10 and 11 now), but not before gathering his share of scare-the-shit-outta-you tales, tattoos, scars, and jail time.

amongst his titles he can happily claim "bad-ass fuckin' drummer", poet, author, and spiritualist (having turned to budhism during his 4 month stint in the slammer for a numerous of felonies, including spousal abuse, illegal gun posession, and parole violation.)

today he spends most of his time either taking care of his boys, or in his studio where he's now working on numerous solo projects, after leaving motley crue for irreconcilable differences. he's currently single, after 3 failed marriages, although he still remains close with heather locklear (#2) and ofcourse the mother of his kids (pamela).

so for those of you who read my blog/actually know me, know that this is the second consecutive autobiography that i've read recently, the first being jenna jameson's (who i have a profound love and admiration for; brianne i still have yet to see the feature film that you downloaded of hers...make sure to save it for me, cause i gotta see my girl in action again!!) and recently i have found myself asking, why??

for some reason, i find weakness alluring...all these people who have more emotional scars than the average bears, i find their stories fuckin' fascinating! i can't get enough! more specifically, i love the stories from the people who came from absolutely fuckin' nothing, and got fucked 3-ways from sunday and still managed to come out on top of their game...they hit rock-bottom, went around the block a few times, and then succeded!

maybe it's success stories that i enjoy...look at drew barrymore's tale! she published "little girl lost" when she was 15 (i think), it was her story of being a child star and how she lost everything due to a cocaine and alcohol addiction at the age of 9-13...and after rehab she came out a bright shining star!!

just like drew, tommy had a hard life, and definitely had a few stories to tell! the tortured artist, who has so many skeletons in his closet that he'd scare away casper!!

and in case you're wondering, "tommyland" refers to the amusement park that pamela had built for his 33rd birthday; complete with side-show performers, rides, sword-swallowers, and his very own freakshow!! it was a place that was to remain his, where he could go to be on his own and be in complete solitude, surrounded by things that he loved.

isn't that nice?

so i urge you all to pick up his book, or atleast borrow it from me...i guarantee all you rockers out there will not be dissappointed, and don't worry, he hasn't lost his edge with age...in fact it may have gotten worse!!

stay tuned for more details as i read on!

la douleur exquis

aujourd'hui dans l'honneur de notre voyage à montréal, j'ai eu l'idée d'écrire mon entrée en français.

le français c'est officialement mon langage secondaire. j'ai eu mon diplôme bilingue dans l'école secondaire, et puis après ça à l'université de st. mary's j'ai pris le français comme mon sujet d'étude. puis après 4 longues années j'ai encore gradué avec mon certificat d'étude en français.

le français était toujours la language d'amour dans mes yeux. c'est un peu séduisant, pense-tu? je pense que c'est parce que c'est une des plus belles languages qui existent aujourd'hui; les sons, et l'accent, et le façon que ça roule hors de tes lèvres...l'espagnole est une autre qui me fait plaisir d'écouter/entendre. c'était l'autre que j'ai toujours voulus apprendre, mais l'opportunité n'a jamais élevé.

alors mon chérie et moi s'en va à montréal le semaine prochaine, puis je suis TRÈS excité!! moi et christina et eilish ont visité la belle ville de montréal quand nous était 18 ans; c'était nos premières expèriences 'downtown' car on était si jeune! quand je le considère maintenant, on était seulement des enfants...alors ça va être spéciale cette fois d'aller et puis voire comment la ville à développer au cours des dernièrs 6 années!

**je m'éxcuse si mon grammaire et un peu atrosse, mais ça fait longtemps que je tappe en français**

j'espère habiter une ville similaire à montréal un jour...peut-être montréal-même...j'ai toujours penser depuis j'étais un enfant que je voudrais habiter une ville large...plus large qu'halifax.

l'autre raison que je suis excité c'est parce que c'est le premièr congé que blake et moi va prendre. je suis si en amour avec lui, puis je peut plus attendre partir d'halifax, seulement lui et moi, pour aller congé au ville d'amour!! tee hee, je blague à propos du ville d'amour!! mais tu sais ce que je veut dire. on a beaucoup de plans; on va buver beaucoup, aller danser, on va à La Ronde, et on va visiter des musées d'arts!!

ne vous concerner pas, je vais prendre BEAUCOUP de photos pour documenté le voyage!

espérer moi bonne chance, et bon voyage!!

beaucoup de baisers,

♪monsieur keefe♪

faery tales

do you have a favourite children's story? you know the type that your parents used to read you when you were little(-er). one of them belonging to the brothers grimm, perhaps? what about one of mr. disney's originals?

i'm talking about fairy tales!! cinderella, snow white and the 7 lil' men, hansel and gretel, the 3 little pigs, beauty and the beast...everybody knows the ones!

fairy tales have been around since the dawn of time, (or so it seems). we've built societal norms around them, morales have been formed from fairy tales, and some of the first lessons we learn are from the stories that are read to us as kids.

they've been told, retold, remixed, redone, twisted into filth, and dissected to the point of being almost un-recognizable! why the fascination? has time ruined them and society warped them, or do their initial meanings still hold true and intact?

did anybody see "freeway"? it was a modern retelling of little red riding hood, starring a super young reese witherspoon and keifer sutherland as a perverted psychopath who's performance still makes me nervous. reese plays a white trash teenager who leaves her abusive-trailer-trash family to stay/visit with her grandmother after her mom's arrested for prostitution. unfortunately on her way there, she hitches a ride with 'the wolf' (played by kiefer sutherland) and ends up almost killing him after he tries to rape her...this was based on little red riding hood, right? i don't really know why i enjoy it so much, seeing as how it strays so far from the original concept. but i think that's what i appreciate so much about it.

i find it funny how much we dwell on the whole fairy tale concept; you know the whole prince charming riding up on his white horse to rescue the damsel in distress concept...do you think we're all looking for that in life? are women just really looking to be rescued? and are men looking to be their white knights??

i think we all seek a little fairy tale aspect in life, don't you? maybe not as cut and dry as the princess and the white knight scenario, but we're all looking for a happy ending, aren't we? i guess we can say that the fairy tales we read as children are the basis for what we look for in life! is that too bold a statement? they teach us our first valuable lessons, and they teach us morales. for examcple, if it weren't for beauty and the beast, we might not know that appearances can sometimes be deceiving...if it weren't for pinnochio we might not know the ramifications that a lie can have...and if it weren't for snow white, we might think it inappropriate to be friends and live with short little dwarfs in a kinky sort of way and to eat apples from decrepit old ladies we meet in the woods...

well maybe not the last one...but you know what i mean...

have a happy ever after...