paris hilton

plain and simple, let me just get her out of my system, and i promise you won't have to hear about her for at least another week or so!!

so a little bit of a back story to miss hilton; and by back story, i mean MY back story as to why i LOVE her! well paris came into our world not too long ago, and although neither i nor the rest of the world can actually pin point the exact moment when we first heard of the hotel heiress, (mainly because she just sorta snuck up on us), i assume it was within the past two years!

and what a whirlwind of an arrival it was!! she just sorta exploded onto the scene, and before we knew it her face was plastered over every gossip magazine in sight! we ate her up!!!! literally and figuratively! the media couldn't get enough of the jetsetter, and she quickly became the girl we loved to hate!!

she was the HOT blonde with the cutesy chihuahua (we're so soulmates), who adorned the catwalks of milan and france, strutted her stuff down every red carpet, and basically attended the opening of an envelope if there were going to be a camera crew there!!

but WHO was she????? what does she do??? WHY is SHE famous????? as far as i can see, she's just some spoiled little rich girl, famous for spending daddy's money, and for whoring around and getting herself in all heaps of trouble with her little ex-heroin addict-sidekick nicole richie!!!

BUT, for those of you who didn't know, here's the bulk, or should i say, 'fluff' of her resume; before she was just another jetsetter, she was in fact a model. mostly runway stuff, and for no particular labels...although mark jacobs and dkny are a few.

that's it.

and then after a while, after she was well known enough to the public, came "the simple life", a reality spinoff where two spoiled little rich girls (see above) are abandoned in arkensaw, with no phones, no credit cards, no money!! and left to die, i mean survive on a little working class farm. being partial to its stars, i can't deliver an idiot-proof description of this show, but it was fuckin' hilarious!! seeing these girls squirm at the thought of plucking a chicken to then prepare it for dinner is too much for words!!

alas "the simple life" was a grand success, making these two lovely ladies reality tv stars!!! soon to be followed by "the simple life 2: road trip" and "the simple life 3: interns"... yes, by the third time around the idea is getting a little tired, there's only so much trouble that 2 bitchy rich girls and their dogs can get themselves into!!!

paris hilton has also recently become the new "guess?" girl!! and her photos can be seen in pretty much any magazine on the planet! their very cute, i suggest you google her guess? ads, most of them have tinkerbell (her pooch) in them!! priceless!! and she will soon be appearing in "house of wax" (no not another porn flick) but a horror film starring that cutey from "one tree hill" about a group of teens (surprise surprise) who get lost on their way to a college football game, and stumble into a town of crazies who are building a wax museum of sordid victims...oooh, scary!!

now, for the REAL matter of business; if you haven't heard, recently paris' mobile sidekick (like a personal portable computer, capable of email, text messaging, photo-taking etc) was hijacked!! (dun dun duhhhhhh) and her address book (complete with email addresses and phone numbers of countless celebrities) was stolen and published on the internet!!! from lindsay lohan, to nicole richie, lil' john, victoria gotti, andy riddick, and many many others, were forced to change their phone numbers after receiving call after crank call from crazy obsessed fans (ahem) playing tricks on them! sepposedly ashley olsen got over 3000 calls in the period of two days and lindsay lohan got an email from someone claiming to be hugh hefner!!

poor poor paris! sepposedly she was vacationing in disney world celebrating her 24th birthday with sister nikki when the whole fiasco went down! "why me?" she whined to US magazine!! "why do these things always happen to me??" well in reality, these things really do keep happening to her! why just look at her recent track record; with the release of "1 night in paris" her porn video with then-boyfriend rick soloman, she was struck with dismay as the world saw what a dead-fuck she is, then there was the devastating break-up with nick carter (ex-backstreet boy) who allegedly hit her when she turned up at some restaurant with bruises on her arms, and a fat lip...did he, or didn't he? but since he went all ghetto-fabulous on us, i wouldn't put it past him!! then there was the ordeal with tinkerbell; she someone alledgely dog-napped her! there was a $5000 reward offered for her return! AND THEN the hilton girl's house was ramsacked and thousands of dollars worth of jewelery was lifted from their home, along with many precious namesakes...and now the t-mobile hackery...

when will it end for poor lil' miss hilton? well honey, you must admit, when you're in the public eye as much as you are paris, you're putting yourself out there for public scrutiny! and you might as well paint a bull's eye on your back, cause you're bound to get hit either way!!

my advice, is to straighten up and apply yourself like any lil' heiress should. why just look at your sister; only 21 and already a renowned bag-designer...i think you should pick one thing you're good at (between author, perfume designer, model, or simply socialite) and concentrate on it...and perfect it!

that and stop pissing people off, cause in the end you have no one to blame but yourself!!

ps

i love you!