utterly

well kiddies, i'm pleased to announce that this weekend was utterly fantastic, and turned out precisely as planned!!
it began with room service and wine at the lovely and quaint (?) delta barrington with blake, followed by dancing and other lovely experiences!! we awoke on saturday morning to breakfast in bed and a hair cut, followed by a trip to the liquor store for a little 'hair of the dog'(just kidding)!
in the afternoon my sweet melissa and i travelled all the way to dartmouth to purchase yours truly a new bed!!!!! $800 later and a few more days and i'll be hooked up with a new sleeping apparatus!
saturday evening, despite my narcolepsy, i proceeded to "huns. n' hood" for a fiesta of sorts with my peeps and some other lovely's whom i had never met!
sunday afternoon was spent with the fantastic christina in point pleasant park with the younger of the hounds, who was far from behaved, and then in a sweet little shop by the name of "perks". i hit the hay early due to the fact that today's monday, and am pleasantly refreshed!
tonight should be a relaxing night in with my honey; dinner and a rented flick, to be exact!!

ahhh, mondays! it's funny, this is the first monday in a while that we've actually been able to "move" around our fair little city! in case you've forgotten, the last few mondays were the days we were slammed with snow storms! i almost got used to having mondays off!!

wasn't it an issue a few years ago that they had the idea of "the 4 day week"? can you imagine? i think it would have more of an effect for me now that i'm a workin' boy! moreso than when i was in school! especially because in university i didn't even really have class every day! so a 4 day week wouldn't have made much of a difference!

four days on, and three days off sounds about right! i wonder when society will catch up to these fantastic ideas that would obviously improve life as we know it!!

well kiddies, that's it for today! i hope you enjoyed my play-by-play recap of the weekend's events. more to come, as always, tomorrow!

wet

well this one is more for the boys...not that there's many of you, since i've almost always had a female following for most of my life! (not that i'm complaining, i love my ladies very much!!)

so when you dream 'sex dreams', not necessarilly "wet dreams", but you have sexual/sex in a dream, and you wake up in the middle of it, obviously horny, with a blazin' hard on, it's probably one of the most frustrating feelings in the world!!

since dreams allow us to fulfill our inner-most naughty fantasies (don't worry honey, you're almost always a part of them, tee hee...love you!!) it's sometimes frustrating to wake up in the middle of them! cause the feelings gone, and you're left unfulfilled with a rockin' boner!!

now most of the time you can simply finish yourself off when you wake up, with a little ol' one-two, but it's not nearly as satisfying! and have you ever noticed, and this is probably why you wake yourself up, that when you're having sex in a dream it seems like it's never going to end!!!!???? and then you wake yourself up, and even though it was a fantastic feeling in your dream, you're a little relieved to be awake, cause you can relieve yourself of all that tension finally!!!

now the torturous part of it all; i've been saving myself 'up' for tonight, cause me and the mister have a hotel room booked at the fantastic delta downtown, and i'd like to be in tip-top form!! although hopefully me 'saving' my fluids isn't going to cause an "explosion" of sorts...i guess we'll find out, eh??

do girls have as many sexual dreams as guys? i don't hardly ever remember my dreams, and i don't remember the one i was having this morning before i awoke, but i do remember the general theme (obviously). which is a bummer, cause i'm sure i have tonnes of these sexual dreams!! not that i'm a finatic or anything...but you know, a boy's got needs!!!!! i'm totally "getting off" topic. *rrrrowrrr*

do girls have wet dreams?? they must!! if boys pitch tents in their pants as much as we do during the run of a day, i wonder if girls get equally wet? hmmmmm, what a thought!! it's something that people don't often talk about, but we should...it must be as reciprocal!! most girls i know are probably sometimes even more over-sexed than the guys!!!

this weekend, i encourage everyone out there to extend this topic of discussion to all your friends of the opposite sex, and let's get some answers shall we!?!

that'll be your homework assignments for tonight! and you don't even wanna know what the punishment is for naughty children who don't complete their homework...

have a 'pleasurable' weekend!!

3

so i think my dear sweet sarah jessica parker had nose surgery, somewhere along her career. it's funny when watching old episodes of sex and the city she looks completely different than in the later seasons! it's mainly her nose, and then i started thinking that maybe it's just her hair that's cut differently to complement her face better...but no, i think she's definitely had some work done!!

which is somewhat dissappointing to me seeing as how i idolize her, well maybe that's a bit extreme, but i sincerely enjoy her as an actress and as the hopeful friend that she will someday be!! (oh, i'll meet her, don't you worry!!) but moreso because i always picture her as carrie, and that a nose job is something that carrie just would never do!!

but alas, i've just fallen into the stereotype of "the obsessed fan", you know the one; where the fan can't distinguish between what's real and fiction...they begin thinking the actress IS in fact the character she/he protrays on television/movies. i'm not that bad, but if i did in fact see sjp on the streets i would have to refrain from yelling out "CARRIE, I LOVE YOU!!" with all my might!!

but anyways, in other news; blake reminded me last night that my other long-lost sister's (miss hilton, of course) show premiered last night!! yes, the simple life "3" began it's run yesterday eve! this time around my love and her crazy cohort nicole richie, are interns in new york city! catching a ride on a grey hound bus, they're off on a new series of wacky adventures and silly little mishaps!!

let's just say that i can't wait!!!!! the first episode aired last night and i totally taped it!

the reason blake reminded me of it, is that he had quite the vivid dream about "my girls" the other night, which i proceeded to find extrememly entertaining. nothing dirty (wouldn't that be funny) but just entertaining. basically we were on some work trip i believe for his hotel, and we ended up finding britney in a bar (where i totally went up to and started chatting up) and then to a horrendous musical where paris winked at him...i know!! like she would ever snub her brother (me) like that!! sheesh!

some people knock my sweet paris, but in the end, she's just misunderstood...just like britney! if she didn't have any loyal followers (ie me) she'd just be another hasbeen, washed away, and lying in a pile of juicy couture on some sparkling sidewalk in beverly hills! true, she'd have to have actually ACCOMPLISHED something before being allotted the title of "hasbeen"...and jetsetting across the country to attend parties and gallery openings is not considered "accomplishing" anything! sorry paris! but them's the breaks!!

but in the plus column, she is appearing in a new horror movie called "house of wax" starring her and that silly lil' guy from "one tree hill" who also made an appearance on dawson's creek way back when! and she's the new 'guess girl', so she can add 'model' to her resume. AND she has a book out titled "confessions of an heiress"...so she's a published author. (yeah, i know...you have to use the title "author" veeeeeery loosely.) but it still counts for something!

all in all, she's quite impressive! in my books, atleast!! and she has a chihuahua, so right off the bat we're kindred spirits!!

and for all of you giggling, you'll regret it when you have to shake her hand someday when i introduce to you my roommate/long-lost sister!!

free basin'

so i just read in the coast that a woman in dartmouth actually has a "smiley face museum"!! isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard?!?

i've been obsessed with smiley faces for the longest time! i don't know what it is about them that i found so appealing; it could be their positive vibe, or the fact that i can't help but smile back when i see one, or it could be their strange similarity to s smiling sun (and since i'm a sunshine junkie i can't help but be affected!!).

did you know that the first happy face appeared back in the sixties (go figure!) when an insurance agent drew two dots and then a line under them in an effort to boost the morale at his firm?? that might be hearsay but it's an encouraging little tale, isn't it?

when i was a raver, (way back when), i had (and don't laugh too hard) a yellow, rubber, smiley-face back-pack that i used to carry around (on my back) filled with candy that i would distribute throughout the evening. leanne and i were a team actually, and we became so popular that during the night people would come looking for us, cause we always had the really GOOD candy!!! i'm serious, we used to RAID the dollar stores for candy...i'm lucky i didn't have many more cavities!!

i have every single happy face glass the dollar store ever sold!! one of the first ones i got was actually from the bartender at reflections. they were using it as a tip cup at one of the little booths upstairs, and i was so drunk and saw it and begged him for it!! little did i know that they sell them for a buck at every five an' dime in the province!! but all i knew at that point in time is that i had to have that cup!! and i've been collecting them ever since!

i even have a happy face 'piggy bank' that sits on top of my tv. i even once had a happy face calendar with a different style face for every month!! my supervisor at work is just as obsessed with them as i am, and while i was quitting smoking last year, she gave me a smiley face sticker for every day i was smoke free!! isn't that awesome!!!!

personally, i believe that in order to stop the war in iraq, all they had to do was bomb the land with little happy face lollipops!!!! that may sound a little naive, and maybe it's a stretch, but i tell ya, you can't help but be happy and smile when you see one!!

it's a proven fact that it takes less muscles in your face to smile, than it does to frown. and smiling/laughing can actually reduce stress levels in the body that cause heart attacks!!

so turn that frown upside down, save yourself, and try one on for size!! i betcha you could make someone's day, simply by shooting them a smile!!

Enjoy.

:)

plow

man, does everything sound dirty when you write it out of context??
no, pervs...i was referring to all the crap that we had to shovel over the silly weekend!! i hope you aren't all too sore from having to do so...and for all of you who haven't had to...fuck you!
just kiddin'! well yours truly had a lovely little weekend, for the most part! friday night was a successful night of drinkin' with the crew! saturday was a silly little hangover day (as usual). sunday was the shits; boring, snowy, and lonely! i desperately wanted to leave the house with no avail! the blistering blizzard kept me housebroken! and we got an unexpected little holiday yesterday due to the afore mentioned storm! so i got to watch regis and kelly (mind you she was minus one regis AGAIN!!) and the view, and days, and passions...so it wasn't all bad!! not much had happened on my stories since i had last tuned in...but it was good to check up on them! then blake and i had a lovely little night last night, full of good eats, and good chats, and then some!!
this week will hopefully be a silly little one! laundry tonight, dinner out tomorrow, then a hotel on friday, and a litel house-warming thing at blake's on saturday!
well ladies and gents, be sure to have a fantastic one! more to cum, i mean come tomorrow!

confessions of a serial raver

***NO JUDGEMENT ALLOWED, READ WITH AN OPEN MIND***

well it's a topic i've touched on lightly during my blogging period, but something i've never really come completely clean with...interesting choice of words, since i've in fact become CLEAN after all those years...now don't get me wrong, we're not talking heroin or crack or anything...but there was a time when there definitely needed to be some cleaning involved.

it's something i've never really talked out loud about, and for good reason, as we'll soon find out! and there's details that even the closest people in my life don't know about! details that i've always been too ashamed to tell them.

we used to joke that everyone who we used to rave with would all be sitting around in a "reformed raver nursing home" some day, gabbing about "the good ol' days", now that we've all developed parkinsons disease, and can't hold a cup of coffee without spilling it all over ourselves!

now stop your giggling, i'm being completely serious!! well i guess you have to have a sense of humour about our sordid pasts, right? because in a sense they definitely make us who we are today! or is that just a lie that we tell ourselves to get by? i'll never know!

i think i started raving/doing drugs when i was 17...to some that may seem young, and to others that may seem almost too old. but considering that most people our age started drinking when they turned 16, i guess it could be deemed as a natural progression to continue further into the darkside shortly after.

it's funny, i remember everything about my first time. i remember where i was, what i was wearing, who i met (G.I. Joe, tee hee) and exactly how i felt. and take it from me kiddies, the way you feel the first time is like nothing you'll EVER experience again! (literally). everyone i talk to remembers their first time, not the second, or the third, just the first. kinda like sex!! that partner will always stand out in your mind when you think about sex, and with drugs it's that first time that you'll forever reference when you think/talk about it.

i could give you a step by step reinactment of that night that forever changed my life (jeez louise!! i'm sorry no more cheese) but i probably couldn't without heaving up my chicken ceaser salad i just had for lunch! so we'll skip that part. all i wanted to comment on was my age. 17. the beginning and the end of innocence.

when you start doing drugs there's a certain obsession that is born with that first time. obviously it's like nothing you've ever experienced thus far in life, and therefore a fascination developes as a result. and just like heroin addicts have been saying for years, with e it's the same thing; you'll spend the rest of your highs trying to achieve that feeling you felt your first time...and it never comes back...

thus how addictions are born, and trust me, i felt it! when you're 17/18 and on the verge of this whole new world (drinking, bars, university etc.) filled with new things and exciting new feelings, it's sooooo easy to fall prey to it. you think you're invincible, and you simply become overcome with the urge to over do it! you can't help it, and since your brain hasn't completely developed it's definition of what's right and what's wrong yet at that age, you can't seem to find anything wrong with it!

you tell yourself that you'll only 'indulge' once in a while...on that special occassion...once in a blue moon...well after a while, that special occassion that started out as someone's birthday or whatever, turns into every friday...and that 'celebration' you used as an excuse to dose, has turned into the fact that it's simply the end of the week!! why not? right? you'll only do one. it's just a little pill, right? WRONG. end of story.

it did start out fairly responsibly, i researched it quite extensively...i read the reports, studied the effects, knew what i was getting myself into...hell i even talked to my doctor about it! (ahh, sweet doctor pinsky!!) but no article, or doctor report or even blog can prepare you for what will be ahead!

but as most people do, i learned the hard way and had to feel it for myself to actually learn a lesson from the whole experience. and 6 years later, here i am!

so what started out as an occassional treat, developed...i actually blame the promoters who put on those parties we were going to every weekend, cause if it wasn't for them, then we wouldn't have been doing these bad things. but back then there were raves every weekend. they wouldn't ever reveal the location until 24 hrs ahead of time, to keep it all hush hush, and we would be sitting there in anticipation, biting our nails, waiting for the revealing of the grande locale! and we would go...and we would dance...and we would eat our pills...notice i said pillS...

i used to be terrified to take more than a half...period! the whole night, i would only take half, and still be the last one standing at the end of the night, bouncing around with a grin on my face and a pacifier in my mouth! but by the end of my craze, i was chomping down on AT THE VERY LEAST 2 a night...but by the end of the next day (when i was still up and grinding my teeth) i might have eaten 5 or 6...that was at my worst. melanie and france were soooo much worse off...i swear one new years i sat there and saw them swallow about 15 hits...can you imagine? and after a certain point there wasn't anywhere else for them to go but down...

but as time went on, things got progressively worse, not to the degree that melanie and france ever sunk to (no offense to them, but you know...) but i got deeper in my own way. there was a point where i found it hard to go out and NOT do it...it took almost every ounce of my being to say NO...every time i would have a drink, it would spring to mind...i'd get that butterfly feeling in my stomach and i'd start jonesin'...god, that makes me sick just thinkin' about it...i don't know why we all thought it was so innocent...oh, we'll just do a bit...nothin' wrong with that, right? WRONGO!!

during my worst, i'd probably be doing it at the very least, every weekend. sometimes twice in a weekend. sometimes i'd stay up for like two days straight! what is it again? you have to be up for three days in a row with no sleep to be declared legally insane? that sounds about right!!

hmmm, well...i started writing this on friday afternoon, and it's now tuesday morning...(yesterday was a snow day!) but i think this is all i really want to say about the whole deal.

what it all comes down to is where i am today! i've gotten my act cleaned up, i graduated from university, i have a fantastic job, fantastic friends and a fantastic boyfriend who i can't seem to get enough of. what's in the past should remain there, however we should never be ashamed of it. after all, it's what made us the person we are today, however painful it may have been.

growing up is all about mistakes. we have to make them to learn. we shouldn't regret the things we have done, but keep them in mind as life lessons we wish to not repeat. life would be pretty boring without them. i guess you can look at them like little chips on our shoulders that make us stronger!

i hope that you aren't reading this and judging me. it's probably the one thing in life that i fear from the people who love me. i guess it's just something i wanted to get off my chest, something that i can forget about finally after all these years. something that i now know is a part of who i USED to be, and something that without which i wouldn't be the person i am today!! (ie that person who you all love!!)

luck

do you believe in luck? how 'bout fate? destiny?

are there certain people out there who are geneticaly predisposed to being more fortunate than others? or do they just have shamrocks shoved so far up their asses, that all they have to do to win things is open their mouths?!?

what makes someone lucky? what makes someone un-lucky? or are the people who seem to have "bad luck" just the ones who dwell on the shittier aspects of life? (ie pesimists)

or is luck just coincidence? just mere flukes? but then why do some people have more flukes than others?

when someone has a 'lucky' day...is it just a 'good' day? as opposed to a 'bad' day? why do we automatically assume it has anything to do with 'luck'?

i wonder who even came up with this concept of luck? it almost sounds like a scape goat? you know what i mean? just an easy explanation that needs no explanation! it's like a way of shooing aside a situation; just blame it on luck! or lack thereof, in some situations!

my first tattoo that i got when i was 15 1/2 is a four leafed clover! so you can see where my fascination with this concept comes from! i've always been a believer in luck...but i don't necessarilly think that some people have more luck than others...maybe it just shines on us sometimes!!!

i think they call those 'lucky days'!!

but maybe we could ram a shamrock up our asses to better our chances...what do you think?

rumours

so guess what? melissa recently told me that kate (my friend from yarmouth who's now living in new york) was at a club a little while ago, and her friend who she was with, found lindsay lohan's wallet...with 2 grams of coke in it!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! let's just say i called it: 'it' being that she has fallen prey to the disease that is "young Hollywood". it happened to the olsens, it happened to macauley caulkin, and now it's happening to her!

and everyone was all "so what's your secret?" (to losing weight; cause her beautiful curves suddenly dissappeared...or may i say 'blew' away...)

and here she was being interviewed in magazines telling everyone how she doesn't even drink or anything, that she just goes to clubs to "have fun". bullshit, lindsay!!!! you spend half your night in the bathroom snorting lines off a dirty toilet seat with mary kate by your side holding your hair back!! i betcha take turns wiping each other's noises, don't ya?!?

it just goes to show that you can't believe anything you read in the tabloids (what was my first clue, eh?). for those of you who don't know who lil' miss lindsay lohan is, she's the star of "mean girls", she has a recently released pop album called "speak" with the title track "rumours" and she's the childhood star of such pictures like the remake of "the parent trap" and "freaky friday".

you see the tabloids made her out to be the next best thing since sliced bread. when really she's been pulling the wool over our eyes for years!! let's just say it comes at no surprise.

for years i spent countless dollars picking up smutty hollywood magazines from grocery store lineups and devouring every word like it was the bible, or something!!! when i was probably being exposed all the while to subliminal messages, telling me to support Bush or something!!

propeganda i tell you!! propeganda!!

totally off topic, but guess what????? NOT TWO SECONDS AGO I WAS ON THE RADIO!!!!!!!! WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS I HEARD C100 DO THE MORNING MOVIE LINE WHERE THEY PLAY A CLIP FROM A MOVIE AND THEN SOMEONE HAS TO CALL IN AND IDENTIFY IT! WELL THE CLIP WAS FROM "PAPPARAZZI" AND I CALLED IN AND GOT THROUGH!!!!! i won "catwoman" on dvd, and a $50 dollar gift certificate from east side mario's!!!! isn't that a crazy way to start a day?!? go me!!

boulevard of

don't you love it when bands suddenly come back totally out of the blue?!? like the new song from green day!!!! where did they come from suddenly??? and is it not the catchiest song!!! i wonder what their cd is like?? if anybody has heard it, please comment, i'm eager to hear a revue.

i remember when green day first came out, i was in junior high, and someone had scribbled "green day" on a desk...and i thought it was somesort of environmental holiday...tee hee...i wasn't the most 'in tuned' child growing up!

you know who i'd like to see come back? weezer!!! remember them! whatever happened to them? they weren't one hit wonders, cause they had a few good songs! and most alternative bands usually have some sort of resurgence after a while! well that's my prediction; weezer will be the next band of the '90's to have a comeback cd!

so totally off topic, but the shitty weather outside reminded me of this and how i haven't discussed it here yet! i've decided that this is my year to travel, and as far as i know the first destination in mind is the dominican republic with renee and maria (and possibly christina). a completely breathtaking resort located a few miles from peurto plata by the name of marien coral, by hilton! not that that means much to me even, but i saw the pictures and it's fantastic. now if melissa's reading this she might be a bit perturbed seeing as though we were hoping to go and visit our dear lil' kate in new york before she came home, but since melissa's going to be working up until the end of april and kate's coming home the beginning of may, i don't think it's going to pan out...which sucks, cause i wish we could do both. but hell, i deserve a vacation, don't i???
so paradise, here we come!!

i've never been anywhere south before, but i have a feeling we'll get along just fine!!! surf, sun, and free drinks...i can't imagine walking around in my board shorts, no shoes, and just stopping at all these little food stands and bars and ordering WHATEVER i want...for free!!! i can't imagine!!! it's the true calling for a beach bum, like myself!!

i always said, i could move to an exotic location down south; somewhere on the coast of spain, and make bracelets and sell them on the beach for the rest of my life...and be a happy man! hmmmmm...anybody up for an adventure??

white

well it's tuesday kiddies, yes, tuesday! and for the devote followers that means i haven't written in 2 (business) days! scads, i know!! but friday there was an unfortunate incident involving martin and my computer (at work) and my work-in-progress blog went missing...sad, i know! i was going to try and re-type it, but i was afraid i wouldn't do it justice! so i'll try and recreate it another time!

on the other end, yesterday was a snow day! woohoo! except, that it was like another sunday! and we all know how much i enjoy sundays! (not at all, in case you were stuck). well at least not two in a row! cause everything i needed to get done this weekend, i did on sunday! and then come yesterday i was searching for things to clean/rearrange/dust!!! scary, eh? but nevertheless it was a fantastic ending to an even more fantastic weekend!!

friday night we all went out dancing to pacifico and then to reflections, saturday blake and i got a wee bit of a buzz and went shopping (yes, shopping) at the mall, then came back to my place where we proceeded to dye his hair (a beautiful mix of strawberry blonde and a fiery copper), then we had a few beers and watched/had sex in the city! sorry sweety, i couldn't help it!!

this week promises to be a good one (hopefully), and since it started out with a snowday i guess we can't complain! blake and i are going to see "the life aquatic..." tonight, not really sure what it's about, but he assures me that i'll like it! here's hoping!! and then we're all going out on friday night!! and in between i'm sure there'll be a few random bouts of fun thrown in there sometime!!

stay tuned!!

i'm addicted to you, don't you know that you're toxic

well she hit the nail right on the head, didn't she?? i was going to originally title today's entry as simply "toxic", but i thought i'd include the whole lyric just to be cheeky!!

so here it is; why is it that everything that we enjoy putting into our bodies tends to be bad for us? yes, i'm probably still just reeling from my new found fear of red bull, but honestly though! why is it? i swear you can't introduce a new product into the world without someone turning around and deeming it as the new cause of cancer, or what have you!!

it makes me crazy how everything that tastes good, is so bad for you! why haven't they come up with a healthy liquor yet? or a cigarette that actually improves your lung capacity, instead of diminishing it? and why is it that all these bad things are so addictive to us? how come tofu doesn't have addictive qualities? or carrots? you never see someone in a dark alley shaking uncontrollably because they have beta carotine withdrawal!!??

and why is it that a drug that can make you feel so good doesn't have some sort of good quality to it yet? i think it was gavin rossdale who suggested "ecstasy with vitamin b"...i read somewhere recently that scientists predicted that by as early as the year 2050, mdma might actually have medicinal purposes and be legally sold on the market! crazy, eh? and if that's that close, then the legalisation of mj can only be around the bend! greeeat...

those damn people at red bull...i know, i know...i've gotta get over it! but i mean, come on!!!!! i think the most addictive and toxic element in my life is/has been cigarettes. in the plus column at least it's a (somewhat) socially acceptable evil...it floors me to think of the cigarette companys out there raking in the cash from the sales of these awful/wretched little things...i mean, have you ever really thought about it? how can the world get away with selling a product that's soooo bad for you! and why is nicotene a legal drug and not, cannabis, let's say? if society is still not completely ok with a "mind-atlering" substance being on the market, then why is alcohol legal??? because i think you will all agree that booze is definitely a 'mind-altering' substance, to a certain degree of course! and if it comes down to money, i think they would probably make more money off the legal sale of dope than cigarettes...well, maybe not...but you know what i mean, right? there was one day in history when things went the opposite way that they should have...can you imagine if things were reversed? and cigarettes were the illegal product, and you had nicotene dealers who make deliveries to people for 10 bux a gramme!! wouldn't that be hilarious?

if they want people to quit smoking, then in my opinion stop-smoking aids should be more available and at a cheaper price...fuck, if you stay on the patch for as long as it recommends you to, then that's like $200. you'll be wasting on that silly little thing! mind you, it works if you stick with it...but a heavy smoker might look at that price and say "well i might aswell just keep smoking...it's cheaper" (obviously they're not seeing the big picture, but you get my drift).

i will admit, that yes i'm still smoking the OCCASIONAL cigarette...just with cocktails, but yes tis' still there...grrrr...will i overcome it completely? you betcha! i just haven't figured out how, exactly...

so kiddies, i say "pooze" to toxicities in our lives...we'll always end up doing what we want to anyways, and eating what we want, and picking our poisons accordingly...so as long as what we get doesn't itch, i say we're ok!

give yourselves a pat on the back!

effect

so, how much i LOVE live music!!! i mean, i always have in a way, but last night while i was watching/enjoying the tsunami aid concert, i was struck by that feeling that you can only have when you're sitting there in an auditorium-type setting, full of people, all facing a lit-up stage, with sweet music surrounding us and coming at us full force from all directions!

there's a feeling of euphoria that comes from watching a concert! everyone's there for a reason, and they're all being touched in one way or another by the performers. you don't go to a concert in a pissy mood, it's not possible! it's not something you have to do, it's something you want to do! you can't help but be affected by it! all your senses are focused on that stage, and the music touches all five of them. it's a visual feast for the eyes, your ears ring, and you can feel it in your bones almost, you know what i mean?

it's probably one of the most emotional situations you can experience! you couldn't think of anything else, if you tried!!! most of the time, whether you actually enjoy what you're hearing or not, you can't even take your eyes off the stage for fear you might miss something!

in my opinion the test of a fantastic artist, is whether or not they could bring me to tears! i know that sounds completely arss-ish, but it's true! music has always been able to effect me in that way. whether it reminds you of another time, or makes you think of what's to come, it's nostalgic somewhat.

i grew up with music, my father used to do a radio show on ckdu fm, (the local indie station) and i remember sitting around the radio with my mom listening to his voice...and i remember it never sounded like him...my father has a 'professional voice' is what we used to call it; you know what i mean, it's like a manner of speaking that was different than his usual manner, that he put on in professional situations, and that was his radio voice.

we have a gutted out television at home, that now has his record player in it...and we're not talking some dinky old beater of a record player, it's a top of the line deck! it's his pride and joy, so much so that my mother and i were never allowed to touch it!! but he used to play us everything on that thing; from elvis, to reggae, to new wave, the cure, siouxsie and the banshees, kate bush, new order, the misfits, the stones, leonard cohen, crash test dummies, etc, etc, etc...to name a few! there was always music playing...i remember always coming downstairs and having some sort of melodic tune coming out of the living room, and there were my parents curled up on the coach, eyes closed, in eachother's arms...not talking or moving...just being...

heavy, eh?

but i'm convinced that's where my love of music stemmed from...i mean, as all my friends know, i don't usually go into a room without music playing...now, it's not always the most respected music playing, but it's music...my father would be so proud!!! just kiddin'!

for all of university, it wasn't exactly 'live music' i was into; my name's joey keefe, and i was a raver!!! there was nothing more sexy to me than a dj up there on those decks, totally into his style, pleasing the crowd, and doing everything for the reaction he hopes to receive. a dark room, packed to the tits with people, everyone jumping up and down to the beat, colors flashing from all around, and that different type of 'euphoria' that i'll never feel again...that USED to be my idea of paradise...but my, how things have changed...

was it just a phase? i used to think it was a way of life...but after i came to my senses, i realized it's not...that beat will always exist in my heart, but unfortunately it's now accompanied by negative conotations...thoughts and feelings of a time that i never want to revisit, and a feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away with the thought...

there's pictures i keep for some reason that i never want to look at again. i wish that i could look back on 'those days' and be filled with the nostalgia that i get when i hear an old elvis song, for instance, but i almost feel that i ruined it somehow...and it'll never be like that...those weren't "the good old days". and i'm happier for it...never have i regretted what i have done, but there are certain traits that exist in me, for which i blame 'those days'...but what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger, right? and so it did...

now my tastes are different...and it's the actual music i crave, the type that's produced by talent, and someone's own two hands, not from a digital recording device...no, that's being a little harsh, but you get my drift!

music makes the world go round...but that's a huge generalisation. it's funny how one of the most important people in my life (you know who you are) doesn't live his life that way. music is definitely part of him, but not in the sense that it is to me! and i love that! i learn much more from him that way; about politics, and just the world in general...and i try to enlighten him by opening him up to some of the simpler things in life, music being one of them!

what do you think?

R.B.A.A

well i'm officially going to start a support group (Red Bull Addicts Anonymous) yeah, i'm beginning to go over the deep end!! i've begun having them all the more frequently, and it's starting to have adverse effects on me; instead of giving me the pure pleasure associated with a common caffeine buzz, it's now making me edgy...and not in the christina aguilera "edgy" way, i mean the 'gonna snap at the next person who tells me it's bad for you' way!!

don't get me wrong, it still gets me CrAzY hyper, but it's now accompanied by tremors of paranoia, and spells of darty-eyes/loud noises/snapping at random people-type behaviours!!

maybe i should stop mixing it with coffee...that might help, eh?

for those of you who've never experienced the lovely creation that is "red bull", let me just describe it as a sweeter "sprite" with kick. it claims to be a natural health product, promoting better alertness and awareness, by providing the "user" (scary word) with an energy boost thanks to sugar and above all caffeine (80mg).

well let me just tell you, the first time i had it, my arm went numb. it's like having 3 cups of strong coffee, but more refreshing thanks to the fact that it's served chilled. it's my perfect hangover cure, due to the fact that the morning after i always want carbonation (pop) and caffeine (coffee), therefore even though pop does have both, red bull is the best alternative...much more satisfying!

NOW, sepposedly it's being taken off the market!!!!!!! if someone else tells me today how bad it is for you, i'm gonna scream!!!

actually today's the 11th, i started writing this entry yesterday amid my frustrations, but alas 4:30 came along and i had to leave it unfinished...but that doesn't mean that i'm any less frustrated at this sudden turn of events! the people at Red Bull have created a product that is obviously highly addictive, cause those of you who know me, know that i sooo don't have an addictive personality (pause for comic effect) so my NEED for the sweet red bullness can be nobody's fault but the manufacturers!!!! damn them, damn them, damn them!!

what am i and the other millions of red bull addicts going to do now?!? are we sepposed to rely on some other mildly satisfying caffeine beverage to get our fix? are we just sitting ducks until the next new "it" product is revealed? why does the world introduce wonderful new things to us, then take them away before we're finished enjoying them???

and i'm sure that some of the r.b. fiends are going out and cleaning out their local corner stores of their red bull supply...but now everyone's terrified me and i'm afraid to drink it!!!! i have seen no concrete evidence as to the dangers of red bull, simply hearsay from random people who say it has harmful effects! but now (because i'm overly paranoid) i'm afraid my liver's going to dissolve and leak out somehow!!!! *knock on wood* damn everyone and their propaganda against my caffeine cravings!!!!!

well i guess i'll just wait and see what comes of these so called "studies" on my non-alcoholic drink of choice. you never know, maybe they'll say it "cures" cancer next?!?

hey, it could happen...

mrs. Jameson

well it's just another manic monday, kiddies! i hope everyone's weekend went aswell as mine did!! went out to dinner with my honey on friday night, then out dancin', then hung out on saturday and watched movies with renia, then it was to the laundromat on sunday and then dinner with blake again followed by a night in!

so i've recently picked up a new book, entitled "how to make love like a porn star". it's jenna jameson's biography!! (what i have for big blonde bimbos, i'll never know!!) for those of you unexperienced in the porn industry, jenna jameson is the queen of porn!! she's the most talked about, photographed, and well-known/publicized woman in the adult film industry today! (and she's also quite fascinating!!)

her book may seem almost like a step-by-step guide to becoming a porn star, but in reality it's more of a cautionary tale, of her rise to stardom and the stony path that she traveled to get there!

somewhat along the lines of "little girl lost" the autobiography of my sweet drew, "how to make love..." is not a tale of pity...rather she tells her story in the most gritty of details, without the smallest bit of shame! she's not asking for pity, or for us to feel the least bit sorry for her, rather the reader gets the feeling that she simply wants to get the whole thing off her chest and out in the open, and doesn't give a shit what the reader thinks!! she's doing this on her own terms, and doesn't bow down for anyone...now bending over, that's another story, and another blog entry!!

as i suspected, her life was off to a bad start, troubled childhood, raped at a young age, then it was the life of a showgirl on the vegas strip!! (we can imagine where this is headed!!) and imagine we'll have to do, until i get further in the story, that is!!

something i found interesting was the fact that she's now happily married!! isnt' that cool!! she's probably that last person in the industry who i could picture married, but it just goes to show you how some people can surprise you! i'm pretty sure that i'll have most of my predisposed assumptions about her, squashed by the end of her novel! stay tuned!!

and speaking of blonde bimbos; today is day 1 of blake's campaign to try and convince me of britney's stupidity and of how she should be "deprived of all oxygen" is how he put it, i think...humph, that's a pretty bold statement...let's see if he's right...

shut up, and do me!!

***WARNING, COMPLETE FILTH AHEAD***
that was a trucker hat that brit wore once, and i thought it might be a good title for today's entry; rather than "under the sheets, part deux".

but there you have, it!! part two is already under way!!

do you remember your first time? i was watching that sex and the city episode where charlotte asks carrie about her first time, and she responds "half a joint, three thrusts...and on a ping pong table". well i don't know about you folks, but my first time wasn't nearly as horrible...well, i guess that depends on your definition of horrible, cause, well, it was with...*gasp* a GIRL!!! i know, hard to believe...(so people tell me) but it was! she was a pill snorting, money wasting, stacked up, little bitch! attractive, eh? god what was i thinking! she ended up stealing one of our best friends from us, turning her from an innocent little ballerina, into a mischevious, chain-smoking, pill-snorting, little slut...

no hard feelings, really!!

i still see her sometimes, actually she used to work in music world in the mall...which forced me to change cd stores...just like that damn little kid forced me to take an earlier bus in the mornings, i started shopping elsewhere to avoid the hideous confrontation of my first...grrr...

my first male experience is something else to talk about...michelle johnson was there when i first met him, remember michelle??? GI JOE, british, surgeon, in camouflage pants, in the parking garage outside reflections!!! how skeezy, eh???? thank god they closed that parking garage up!! his name was nick evans...we were actually friends for like a year before anything ever happened. he was british and a body builder (stupid gym bunnies) and a dj on the side...he was a doctor at the QEII, who i met at a rave when i was like 18...he tried to pick me up, but i was too young. we exchanged digits and that was that. it was forever before anything ever happened. he moved to L.A for work, then one night at reflections he was there!!! came down for a business/pleasure trip, and the rest is history...i never saw him again. michelle and i gush about it, cause he was there for her first time on e, and they dissappeared for like 3 hours that night talking about random things! she always refers to him as G.I JOE, cause that's what he looked like!!

well enough about mr. action figure. i was actually one of the first among my group of friends to lose it! i think renee was the actual first (ryan), then me, then michelle (ronnie), then christina (mark), then eilish (evan)...fuck that cracks me up!! they all hate me now for publishing this on the internet!!

what this goes to show us, is that our first (few) experiences are nothing to be ashamed off, due to the fact that no one's is a good experience!! but i think we can all say that we've/they've gotten MUCH MUCH MUCH better!!

new positions, new toys, new partner(s) -heh, heh- lots of things have played a part in our sexual awakenings.

i don't know about you, but after a while i got right into phone sex...i mean REALLY into phone sex!!! why not! it was fun, it was safe, and it certainly helps you get rid of any inhibitions that you may be carrying around!! it's definitely filthy, but anyone who's reading this and has never tried it, i suggest you pick up the phone, call your significant other, or a random stranger, and get the ball rolling!!!
(my boyfriend who i love with all my heart is probably reading this cringing...or loving it, it could go either way i guess!! don't worry honey, my sordid past is going to stay in the past. but the kinks aren't going anywhere!!)

recently i've come to realize that my friends are quite the kinky group!! renee has recently become interested in 'thugs' and one night stands, christina has basically every sex toy that venus envy sells! no, i'm just teasin!!! i'm just getting renee back for putting all those awful pictures of me with mcdonald's arches in her little slide show thingy!!

the thing is, when it comes to sex some of us prefer to keep it very bottom shelf/under wraps! but i encourage you to put it out there, and in people's faces (wait...) it's much healthier that way.

so there you have it! my first time. i encourage all of you to comment on this entry and tell me all about your horrible first times!! or wonderful first times, whichever the case may be!!

more to cum later kiddies...think of me often!

I Heart C.M.

well since my boyfriend is quite "fond" of him, and since we actually (speak of the devil) ran into him last night while waiting for the bus, i thought i might dedicate today's entry to the man himself. (he also said he was a fan of my bloggy-thingy, so a few shameful compliments definitely got him in my good books!!)

yes kiddies, i'm referring to Chris Meagher!! (eat your heart out, andre davie!!)

well mr. meagher and i met oh, quite some time ago, while he was still working in the same geographical location that he had been for the better part of a decade. that being the infamous "quinpool courts". yes my friends, he was there when it was "jumbo", he was there when it was "ambassador", and he sold out, i mean WAS THERE when it turned to "roger's". wow, that's quite the dedication, eh? why would he stay in a helpless part-time job with no rewards for so long, you ask? because he had a love, a love that surpassed all loves...he loves MOVIES!!! always has, always will!

personally i always considered myself to be quite the "movie buff", but let me tell you, i met my match when i met the meagher. chris introduced me to things i had never even knew existed!! from gregg araki movies, to my current short lived obsession with buffy and angel, he was quite the savante to be around.

now to work with, is another story!! brianne, the lovely and fantastic sister of blake, worked with him at ambassador, so she knows what i'm talking about!! mr. meagher is the king of mood swings, from the time he threw a chocolate cadbury cream egg at my head, to the time he wore the roger's video mascot costume an ENTIRE day to work, he's always been somewhat unpredictable. always good for a laugh, between mocking customers to falling in love with the girl with the basshound who lived across the street with the silly boyfriend who didn't appreciate her (and that's coming from a gay man), we all loved him!!

and therein lies his charm! he's somewhat enigmatic, quiet, brooding, yet helpful, generous, loving and cruel at the sametime. he truly personifies the idea of "you have to be cruel to be kind". he always reminded me of the little boy on the playground who teased the girl next to him to show he liked her!! (me being the little girl, who got teased by him waaaaaay too often...and i didn't even get any!!! just kiddin'!!)

he personally coined the catch-phrase "christina 4-eva"!! and he had a hand in "mel-bear" and "fran-bear". he said if i were a dj my name would be "dj strawberry quik" (due to my red rainjacket and red hat). he was the person who first introduced me to absinthe (roger's video christmas party circa 2002). he burned countless cd's for me, although i was usually bribed and forced to mop the floor to "earn" them first! he always said that every time you couldn't find me in the store, (i used to disappear from sight quite often) i must be on the floor of the bathroom, jerking off...where that stemed from i'll never know!!!!!

whew, well i say i outdid myself today!! i'm quite proud! that's the man, we call chris meagher. he's now working at the casino, where i hear he's doing quite well, and probably up to his old tricks again, and torturing a whole new group of young impressionables. i hope they turn out aswell as i did!!

well i know some of you might be wondering when your dedication entry is coming, and well let's just say i'm now taking requests.

2g05

welcome back kiddies, and happy new year!! 2005! crazy, eh?

well yours truly had quite the exciting weekend, friday night was fun, saturday blake and i went to see lemony snicket's (fantastic), then made it a double feature and stayed up late, then sunday i hung out all day and took down all those silly christmas decorations, then proceeded to watch three more movies with my honey, and then yesterday was a daytime-television day filled with lots o' maxin' and plenty of relaxin'!!

so the new year is off with a 'bang'.

renee did the sweetest thing for us on friday night. she made us this power-point slide presentation entitled "the crew"!! it was this collage of (embarrassing) pictures from over the years. like i'm talking ancient ones as far back as like grade 9!! some were very scary, lemme tell you now!! it was beautiful, it got lots of laughs, and a few tears...all in all it was the perfect gift for us as a group!!

guess what the little shit did last night?!? (Jet, that is). well i was eating my quesadillas and macaroni salad with the sour cream on the side, when he started to get his nose into something (as usual). i moved to thwart his badness and there went the sour cream!! all over me, all over the coach, all over the floor, and all over him!!! my poor white dog was covered with sour cream!! i proceeded to pick him up and throw him in the sink to wash the creamness off him!! mothafucka, eh? i was soo angry...but couldn't even really blame him cause it was my fault...he was just the instigator!! oh,well mishaps happen!!

so once again i've decided to put the magazines on hold for a while and begin to stimulate another part of my body for a change...my mind, that is...by picking up a book!! a little while back i tried to read "the rules of attraction", by a fantastic author by the name of brett easton ellis, but haven't been able to get through it! due to my nagging addiction to trashy entertainment magazines!! but i'm tossing them aside and am going to go out and get myself a book...when i can afford one that is!!

well kids, that's it for now...more dirt tomorrow!