NOTHING IN THIS WORLD

have any of you seen paris' new video? the song is called "nothing in this world" and the video involves her in an homage to "the girl next door" (elisha cuthbert even has a guest role) as the voluptuous object of a young boys affection. seriously, he's like 14...in the beginning she's seductively singing into his ear as he nurses his 'loser' heart after being picked on at school. the first time you see it i'm sure you're gonna be sporting a "WTF face", but just go with it...once you get past the creepy undertones of her and a minor, the video is pretty fuckin' cool.

it's sepposed to be kind of a coming attraction/preview to a fictional movie about a young loser in high school who every night fantasizes about paris hilton (how tongue in cheek, i know). then she ends up moving in next door and aids him in pulling a prank on the bullies at his school...

i'm not doing it justice, if there is even justice to be had in a paris hilton video, but when you see it...just allow her to work her sweet sweet magic on ya!! the songs not out yet, but you can catch the video on thesuperficial.com for a sneak peak!

good ol' paris, up to her old tricks again!! while on the topic of mizz hilton, did you hear she got arrested and officially charged for DUI?? i'm surprised it hasn't happened before now!! she's always seen stumbling into her bmw outside of clubs, and you can bet she didn't just have 1 drink like she claims!!

wouldn't you just die to see her mug shot??

NO E

one thing that struck me last night while i was partying at the local bowling alley in canada (yes, you read right...the bowling alley...well at the least it was the lounge section of the bowling alley) with my entire class, seriously it was like a UMFK sponsored drinking night...my whole freakin' class was there people!! anyways, what struck me was the complete and utter absence of drugs!! and trust me, i would know if there were some present, i can smell the shit from a mile away!!

and i'm not saying that i would want to do any, but that it was refreshing to party in a place, and with a group of people who didn't have those cute little pills or any sort of white powdery substance on their minds!

is it a small town thing? do drugs not live in the boonies of northern maine? or has this state simply evolved beyond the need for uppers as a party favor? now while i'm leaning more towards the former, you have to admit that both ideas have merit, right?

drugs, like many other things i've written about this weekend, have overstayed their welcome, and need to be extradited from our weekend activities. i know i may sound a tad bit preechy these days, but this is just what's on my mind! when is enough enough? how much longer was i going to drive myself into the ground? how many more crack out days did i have in me?

i'm happy to report to you all that that ship has sailed...and thankfully, i'm no longer on it...in my head and in my heart. far be it of me to judge, but it's just a warning to all my lil' e children out there reading this; those colorful little pills have played a supporting role in the movie of my life for too long, and along with the things i left in halifax, they were happily among the list.

how does it feel?

YOU & I WERE MEANT TO FLY

you have no idea just how excited i am to see these two luscious ladies spin the shit outta halifax on friday night...i can't even believe that i'll be in halifax again on friday, and i can't believe even more that i'll get to see my friends on friday night!!! you all know just how much i've missed you, and just how pumped i am to see your faces again. i knew in my heart that i was going to miss you like crazy, but i've tried to keep in mind that it's only time that keeps us apart, and i think we all knew that in reality i'm only a phone call away. leaving was hard, and i'm somewhat apprehensive about coming home, only to leave again 3 days later...but i'll take my loved ones whenever i can get them...

anyways, i didn't want this one to be a sappy entry...what i wanted to focus in on was dj fuckin' colette and the ever so lovely dj heather (who i have never seen) who are playing reflections on the 6th.

ahhh, the lovely lady dj's...what is it about a female dj that's so incredibly hot? what is it about a dj in general that's so hot? ever since i got into electronica there has always been a lingering dj fascination...i mean even when they're not that cute, they're still cute! what's up with that?

but anybody who's ever had a crush on a vinyl pusher knows i'm right...something about seeing a hot and sweaty dj up on stage behind a set of decks, whipping the crowd into a maniacal, somewhat sexual dancing frenzy!! it's always gotten me hot! and add a female to the mix, and it only gets hotter!!! colette is obviously the object of many male fantasies, and i have to admit i'm pretty fuckin' stoked to witness her magic again. with her eclectic mix of deep groovy house music, set to spellbinding vocals, and you've got yourself one helluva good night to be had...

see you all there!

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NEVER AGAIN

it never works out, it's (mostly) a waste of time (in the long run anyway), and we're getting too old to still feel satisfied by a quick fix...and let's not forget the 'money-grab' factor.

why are online dating sights so attractive? seriously, i bet not one of you can tell me that you haven't tried it, or atleast don't know someone who's tried it...and what? has it worked out for you/them? or did they just end up having *somewhat ok* sex with someone, to never see them again? i mean, trust me i'm 'dating's' number one fan, i love dating, i love the thrill that goes along with meeting someone new, and the butterfly feeling, and i can't wait to feel it again!

but not that way.

that's a chapter that i think the world has to close in their lives, turn our backs on it and move on. the only significant relationships that i've had have been with people who i've met when i least expected it. mind you most of those haven't worked out either, but at least they've meant a little something more...more than those dirty one-night stands, where the person becomes nothing more than another knock in your bedpost.

promiscuity is over people, it's time to start respecting ourselves more, and to stop settling for those quick and dirty fixes. i know i've praised services like lavalife and cruiseline before, and sure they were fun and entertaining at the time, but at the ripe ol' age of 25 i'm here to tell you people; we deserve more. there's better out there. and we're not gonna find "love happiness" from a dial-a-date service.

stop worrying that you won't find him, cause you will...never give up the dream of love...cause it will happen...

i used to feel like i gave a little piece of myself away with every nameless face i let into my bedroom, but i'm happy to say that i'm over that way of feeling. do something for me, will you? the next time you look in the mirror and see that shining face of your staring back at you, say to it..."i'm worth it..."

and don't forget to keep smiling!

I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF...

coffee, red bull, popcorn, muscles, tattoos, my puppies, celebrity gossip, noodles, vodka, martinis, hypnotiq, my friends, my uggs, ebay, huge oversized sunglasses, the internet, labels, internet shopping, my iPod, my laptop, kelis, paris hilton's new video in which she flirts with a 14 year old boy, my reaffirmed electronica addiction, my new triple 5 soul bag, thinking deep thoughts, missing my loves, the newly discovered hot gay boy at school, the word 'fuck', chris evans, sean cody, bj's, the pick and save, my new label whore, summer turning into fall, blogs, runway models, pinkisthenewblog.com, harley's new dog collar, my future teaching career, fergie's new album, gwen's 2006 fall l.a.m.b clothing line, the panic channel, 'sex and the city', le petit prince, american food brands, soy meats, buzzed hair cuts, getting over you, my winter duvet, hoodies, msn, being over online dating, being true to myself, the lounge is the new bj's...

TO DO OR NOT TO DO

have you ever noticed how when you're in a relationship for a while, how you start to accept certain behaviours and adopt certain ways of living that you would have otherwise thought abnormal?

like as you start to get close to someone, that you start to let certain things go...or bad habits that you start to simply accept, or actions start to seem acceptable in the other person when you would otherwise (if not involved with them) deem as odd or even disgusting?

the last guy i was with peed in front of me (door wide open, just whipped it out in front of me) on our second date...i mean, come on!! that's just totally unnecessary!! i've never had someone pee in front of me, EVER! let alone on a second date. that doesn't belong on a second date! second dates are for romantic walks, and flowers...not public urination!!!

but after a while it started to seem normal!! i totally accepted it, and after a while it was like second nature! what the hell happened?? are we that able to simply change ingrained opinions that we previously held for another person when in a relationship??? then what happens when you break up? do you normally return to your previous way of thinking? or do these people change you somehow for good?

how much is acceptable in a relationship, when it involves something that was foreign to you before? i mean, i guess we have to take the good with the bad when someone else with new thoughts, behaviours, and traits is involved...but where do we draw the line?

when does compromising become compromise?

so you should probably read the post beneath this one for clarification, and to set the tone for today's "diamond themed" entry.

but this is just a silly little side note, so feel free to ignore my above-mentioned statement.

let me ask you this: i know in those weird heterosexual relationships come marriage/proposal time it's the missus who gets to sport the shiny bling on her infamous finger...but what about in gay relationships?

now gay marriage is a tad bit on the controversial side still (unfortunately, but with people like brad pitt and angelina aka brangelina taking stands by saying that they won't be getting married in this country until everyone else who wants to get married CAN, we can't be far off...right? seeing as how brangelina rule the world and all...anywho...) but humor me for a sec.

have the gays thought about this yet? who gets the diamond? is it the more feminine of the couple who gets lucky? what about in lesbian relationships? do the same rules apply? hasn't someone wrote a book on the norm in ring-baring rules for the gays??

what are we to do?

well i'll tell you something; i'm usually deemed 'the woman' in any relationship i've partaken, so come hell or high water i'm getting a diamond!!! no longer will it be simply the 'females' of the world who can happily sport the debt-inforcing tribute to your relationship on their left hand...it's time the gays took back their rightful right in the jewelry department, and started wearing the blinding rocks as a symbol of their probably-doomed relationships (ahem)...

so there.

IF YOU WANT DIAMONDS, DON'T SETTLE FOR GOLD

ahh, settling...how many of us are doing it? are you? are you settling for an easier alternative to something you really want? something you dream of, but seems a bit out of your reach? tell me, where did we go wrong that we as a human race 'settle' for something less than what we deserve?

all around me i see it; people settling for a 'convenient' relationship, when they deserve better...buying payless when you deserve prada...imitation when you've earned designer...

why is this? come on, you have to admit it...look at your life and tell me that there's something you've always wanted but didn't have the energy to go after. well i'm here to tell you people, it's got to stop!! IF IT'S DIAMONDS YOU WANT, DON'T SETTLE FOR GOLD!!

i'm going to share a little something with you dear readers, something that i'm not entirely proud of, but that has somehow weaseled itself into my life; i'm an only child, and i'm an only child who's gotten used to getting what he wants. it doesn't matter who i have to walk over to get it, but i will sometimes do whatever it takes to make sure something goes my way...am i proud of this? not necessarilly, but i'm normally very very very happy at the outcomes!! where am i going with this? i'm just saying that next time a situation arises and you find yourself backing down and 'settling' for the shittier alternative...stop yourself, and go for diamonds!

that trip you've always wanted to take; that boy you've always wanted to ask out; that expensive pair of jeans you don't think you can afford...don't settle for something that isn't what you want! take a look at your life; if you're not where you want to be, or with who you want to be with, or in the city where you desire to live, take a step back and make it happen...you deserve it!

HEAD OR HEART

i just watched angel break up with buffy cause he's trying to think more with his head than his heart...they have the most wonderful/tragic relationsip ever and watching re runs of this show just starts to hit a little too close to home.

who hasn't heard those words spoken to them? who hasn't had someone tell them that they love them, but that "in the long run, it's better this way..."

Why?? why is it better this way? isn't love enough? when is it not enough? and who decides? why is it that some people think it better to end things sooner even when they're heart is telling them not to?

what happens to these people afterwards? are they content with their decisions to cut it off, or do they feel regret? or do they simply deal and move on.

i always think back to those relationships i've had that have ended like this and wonder where i'd/we would be if maybe we had of given it another shot...would i be here now? or would we still be together and unhappy? what would have happened to buffy and angel if angel had of stayed in sunnydale and not gone to l.a.? would it have lasted?

i think life forces us to move on...but i don't think our hearts would ever let us forget...thinking and hanging onto these past relationships will do nothing but hold us back from what we're sepposed to do. everyone says that things happen for a reason...so i guess they do! but it's sometimes hard to not wonder "what if..."

i'll always think with my heart, instead of my head...cause in my "long run", it's more worth it...

AUTUMN OF...

new tall UGGS in black, colder weather, puppy outfits, louis v carrier, U.S.A, Maine (specifically) crossing country to go drinking, B.J's (i heart you), lying to customs officers, sneaking booze over bridges for canadians, school school school, becoming a teacher, playing the recorder, new friends, new experiences, manhunt, no-mans land, new apartments, rugged stud, hello my name is promiscuous, no-more-bipolar-shoe-salesmen-who-don't-know-what-they-want, not being happy for your exes, moving on with your life, furthering yourself, the "pick and save", cheap booze, naughty hypnotiq's, leaving things behind, kelis' new album, tofurki, lubricant-filled-care packages, BRAD (how i missed you), dropping-a-handful-of-condoms-on-the-floor-of-the-mall-and-having-to-scoop-them-all-up-in-front-of-children, halloween cowboy's BIG 2-4, dj collette, memories of "fuck you bitches, i'm leaving", wireless, A +'s, lusting after angel, lusting after buffy, lusting after angel and buffy together, urban outfitters, on-line shopping, visa-cheq cards, god bless america, marlborough menthol ultra lights, liquor at the irving, road trips, salem for halloween, fall colors, calling cards, all american guys, elementary education, teaching grade one'ers, msn slut, label whore (i love you kristy), the new killers album, missing the stones (again), missing my friends, special times, k-y warming lotion, sean cody's bitch, almost getting run over by ATV'S, end of obsessions, start of new ones, loving you for you, happy c.a.t. scan results, no more lavalife, contradictions, fingering your instrument, lucky ones, fungus-filled-bath-mats-under-microscopes, harley davidson dog collars, paris's cd, xtina screensavers, umfk, getting more, loving it, having fun, being one...

tonight i went out to dinner with some friends, and when we came out, to our surprise, our little fair town of fort kent was completely shut down and set ablaze!!! well actually, tonight was the official start to the "scarecrow festival" that's going to be sweeping this little village all weekend!

when we left 'china garden' (the local chinese place; fantastic food but a little of a disturbed waitress...poor thing, more detail on that to come) we were met with the luminous singing of miss britney spears (who deserves a second congrats for pumping out baby #2, a girl named jailynn...we love you brit!!) blasting out of speakers that rang out all throughout main st, and the biggest bonfire i've ever seen taking place in a parking lot just doors from my apartment!!

there was a giant jungle gym/trampoline for the kids (although you all know i was just dying to jump on) and barrels upon barrels of hay spread out all over the pavement from the beginning of the street all the way to bj's!

there's going to be street vendors and perhaps a scarecrow parade (?) tomorrow and all other sorts of random small town fun. apparently they do this every year, in honor of the fall season that has quickly come upon us!

welcome to fort kent!

like velvet

i wish i had seen more,
but soon i hope i will,
a person just like me,
who envigorates me still.

when we are side by side,
my heavy steps seem lighter,
a feeling of simplicity takes over,
and the present day seems brighter.

with a rev and a vodka coke,
and a dancefloor on which to stand,
a flirty look back and forth,
lead me through and take my hand.

sometimes quiet and yet so loud,
your eyes give you away,
helping you as you help me,
whenever the seams start to fray.

another year for you has ended,
wave goodbye to twenty-three,
delicious and wrapped in velvet,
blow out your candles and be who you wanna be!


happy birthday my lil' cowboy...my only wish is that i could be there with you to celebrate, but you'll just have to take a moment out during the night and close your eyes and imagine me there...dancing by your side to our song...

i miss you,

j

do you want this man teaching your children???

well tough luck if you don't, cause it's gonna happen!!! actually christina and i were talking the other day about 'the professional world', and about just how much we don't really feel at all near ready for it!

isn't it a scary thought?? i mean, i look around my friends and see melanie for instance, who's already planted feet first in her CAREER...and she's only 24 years old!?! isn't that an incredible thought! i mean, i couldn't be prouder for making it so soon...but when i put myself in her shoes, all i wanna do is stay in school forever!!!

do you remember being a kid and thinking of what you wanted to be when you grew up. as much as i'm exactly where i wanna be, and where i saw myself being (to an extent, seeing as how the rock star career fell through when i realized that i cannot in fact carry a tune...that and i saw myself being more mature...anywho...) i also pictured myself looking much older. isn't that weird? i keep waiting for the day when i grow up and see a MAN looking back at me through the mirror.

but then i start thinking; maybe i'm already here! maybe i'm already that man! i mean i live on my own, i'm in a foreign country all by myself, i've already proven that i can support myself and hold a job, and sometimes a relationship, and i have two small dogs that i care for all by myself...

maybe i am here!

changes

someone told me before i left that this was something i might have to do to find another piece of myself...one that i might have been mising, or maybe just overlooking, and as much as i don't care to speak with that person anytime soon, i think they were right.

tonight i proved to myself just who i was, and just who i can be. as much fear that i felt as i prepared to embark away from my comfort zone, all my fears were striken away tonight as i took a big step (at least to me) away from the person i had become comfortable being.

wherever that fear came from, doesn't really matter...all that matters is the fact that tonight i faced it in a one on one battle, mono e mono, and you know what? i won!

sometimes we let our fears get the best of us, and let them cloud our judgement...and if i had of continued to listen to that fear, i probably would have stayed in tonight...instead of leaving my (newly found) comfort zone and gone exploring to see if i was indeed the person i had prided myself on being for so long.

and let's just say...i am!!

i had one of the best times i have ever had outside of my normal field zone...and i couldn't be happier! i'm not tooting my own horn when i say hosw proud of myself i am, but honestly something like this is not an easy feat...but it's one that i was ready for...

veg veg U.S.A

this is something i meant to post about earlier when i first arrived here in fort kent, but it simply slipped my mind.

although there were many a things i was concerned about when i was packing up my bags to leave the homeland, one in particular was my diet! and it didn't really hit me, until i was perusing the aisles of the 'pick and save' not seeing any health food section in sight...

you can imagine my chagrin, as i gleefully pass by row after row of bloody carcus' in search of something less artery-clogging, and not seeing any soy in sight...

BUT, thankfully to my surprise when i got to the last aisle of my sweet sweet pick and save, i came across the BIGGEST health food section i have ever seen in a super market!!!

but how could this be? could fort kent (aka bum fuck nowhere ville) have one-up on my precious halifax??? well local kiddies, i really have to say that they really do!!! there's brands and types i simply have never seen! and trust me, i've seen my share!! one that i simply had to shamelessy promote (although i'm not getting any royalties, don't worry) is "franklin farms" veggie bugers; regular and chillie bean flavor. simply to die for!! and coming from someone who's tried every variety under the sun, that says a lot!

so i had to simply take this time to congratulate the fine people of this state for getting on the alternative train! let's hope it keeps up!!

cooch alert!!



i know it may seem a little crast (is that the word?)for a blogger of my calibur to post such NSFW pictures of my beloved lindsay lohan on my blog...oh, blah blah blah...it's me and my page is the land of crudness!!! so here it is folks, lindsay's "anything-but-fire-crotch"...alive and beating, and in your face!! yummy, eh? loves the puss...

anyways, this was stolen off thesuperficial.com website (just had to give it credit for coming up with it first!!) but i had to post it here...we all know me loves me some lindsay, the girl's catchy, fun, and the it-girl of the moment...what's not to love? but girlfriend needs to get herself some panties, cause there's no need to be flashing the 'goods' all over venice, especially when you're sepposedly there to promote your new film...not your latest 'late-nite' antics...

so honey, god knows you've heard of victoria's secret...invest some of your 'hard-earned' money in some unmentionables, cause the world don't need to be seein' your nana before noon!!

i heart you l.lo!

the green fairy, and everything else in between



call it a reaction to not having certain things at my ready disposal, or just a longing for the things left behind, but recently i have found myself longing for those little details that i wish i had indulged in once more before i left...

one of these pretty little things that i have begun to crave even more now that i know i can't have it again for a while is absinthe. while only having tasted it's mysterious taste two or three times, it's one thing that i had meant to find again this summer before leaving but was unsuccessful in my quest for indulgence.

although extremely difficult to find in it's entirety (meaning in it's full form) halifax did offer up a lovely substitute/version...but the real mccoy is irreplacable. when taken properly it offers up a drunk like no other, and one that will not soon be forgotten. and if the wormwood content is strong enough, you're in for quite a good ride...say hi to the green fairy for me, if you're lucky enough to see her!

but on the other hand, with not a whole helluva lot at my disposal, when perusing the liquor store aisle(s) of my local 'pick and save' i've found myself exploring some of the lesser known items (to me that is), such as the many many lovely wines this world has to offer. i've always prided myself on being a vodka man, but my palate for wine certainly has merit, and room to grow.

my current bottle of choice is a "yellow tail" red cabernet, which just so happens to stem from south eastern australia. although not a lesser-known wine, it's become one of my favorites.

check it out!

buffy and angel



recently i have taken my buffy seasons out from under the bed, and dusted off the cobwebs, and begun enjoying an old favorite...all over again!

season 2 and 3 are by far my favorites...basically due to the presence of angel in her life, and their love affair that will go down in history as the greatest love ever captured on film...in my opinion, that is!

i remember when i first go into the show, angel was probably the first guy on tv that i ever fell head over heals for...and it hasn't since waned! he epitomizes sexy to me, in all his dark and broodiness...there's nothing hotter!

when he and buffy got together, it was extremely tragic; they were doomed from the very beginning...yet love came in and swept them both off their feet. being unable to consumate their love for each other, due to angel's eternal curse, was their downfall...but even considering, i've never come across a love such as this that has ever made me feel the same.

i wonder why this is? i mean, i have seen many a fictional couple come across the beloved happy ending, that skipped my buffy and angel...so i wonder why one that was bound to end in tragedy, such as theirs struck me so? i think it's maybe that whole 'romeo and juliet'-esque romance that still touches audiences, even today! it's difficult to make us feel the ache that the characters on screen feel...and buffy and angel will forever have me longing for a love that is as strong and as romantic as theirs was.

for their love, truly was immortal.

no better reason



no better reason to cheers but to friends, i always say. no this is not going to be one of those teary eyed entries...don't worry; but a note to all my distressed fans who think i may not be doing that great here in good ol' maine...

fear not, i think i'm gonna be ok (knock on wood). i knew it was going to be scary at first...although i had no real concept of just how petrifying it was going to be. but with the first few days of school under my belt, and thanks to the many encouraging phone calls from my closest beloveds, and of course to the puppy's without whom i would have become known as the crazy wandering twink who has taken up walking the street (notice i didn't say streetS) of northern maine all by his lonesome...i'm feeling good!!

classes are going to be difficult...and i'm a little frightened as to my capabilities in this field, well more to my specific degree of intelligence than to my particular abilities...even though the two are obviously correlated...anyways, it's going to be a challenge, but one that i'm up for.

math is particularly frightening...but i know it's in me, i just have to dig a little deeper to discover my inner mathmetician, than i do my inner-storyteller!!

i also may have wandered into a past addiction of mine...but well, i knew something had to give...don't be angry, at least i left on particular poison in halifax...something has to be said for that...

but everything in time...as they say!

revolution

when life comes in



the revolution starts TODAY
the revolution will not be televised
support revolution by making your own
make it LOUD, make it break
make it a SONIC BOOM, make it a BIG DEAL
make it SOUL, make it BLOW THE DOORS OFF
make it a REASON to get up in the morning
make it reattle off the walls, and make it an echo you'll remember your whole life
PEACE, LOVE, truth, beauty, friendship, harmony, courage