Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth
Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at melissa's Office party. It was melanie who spiked the punch with too much liquid cocaine. I can't help it if I drank 13 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like dolce and gabbana.
I thought it was funny when I put christina's uggs on my head and danced the running man on the chair while singing `hung up'. I didn't mean to break melissa's vibrator and don't know why melissa would accuse me of theft.
I don't remember calling brandon's wife a furry goat---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and black lipstick!
And when I threw up on elissa's husband's thigh, it was only because I ate too much of that popcorn.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my smart car through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a slutty puppy and have me arrested for debauchery!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all silly and goosey. And I'm really not to blame for any of this immoral stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and quickly yours,
joey (Really a nice boy!)
P.S. It's only 6 bucks!
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