without

my oh my...so much has been happening over the past few months, that it's begun to make my head spin. wow, is this what adult hood is going to be like?

i must say that 25 is off to a rockin'/rocky start...depending on the day, i guess. it's come to my attention lately that life, or else the life to which i've become accustomed to, is quickly changing; first of all i'm picking up and leaving the first true apartment that i've ever lived in that actually felt like home; true it's my second place...but it's technically the only home that jet's ever known. i'm moving back to my parent's place during the next week (in an effort to save up a little bit of money before i leave for school in september.)

my first apartment was lovely, but i wasn't old enough or mature enough then to even really appreciate it. that and i was forced to leave against my will (don't worry harley, you were worth every gut-wrenching second of that war!!) but my place on robie street, actually felt like my own! it wasn't much, but there were a lot of good memories there. bringing jet home, for one...and also, that place was the home base for my most important and loving relationship so far...he and i had many a time in that apartment...if those walls could talk!

but walking around in it this weekend, it suddenly occured to me just how much i'll miss it...

going back to live with mom and dad is the more responsible thing to do; i need to save money to take those silly summer courses...and when you think about it, it wouldn't hurt my future financial situation to actually SAVE a few pennies to go away with... hopefully the hot gay lifeguard from last year will be at the pool again this summer...if so, things are lookin' up!!!

but anyone who has ever moved BACK in with their parents after living alone for so long (as i will be doing) knows that at the time (whether the more mature decision or not) feels like a step back. i'm giving up my independance and becoming a border again...well at least that's how it feels...i've built quite the little life here in the city for myself and my furry little friends, and i never realized just how much giving it up would mean...

the other thing on my mind, and the one that brings a little tear to my eyes, is that in a few months, i'll be moving away...AWAY, away...not just to clayton park this time, but to another country! true, it's only a 6-8 hour drive away...but it's still AWAY...

i've seen other friends pick up and go...eilish and christina to name a few...and it's been hard. you get used to having these people around every day (like in highschool) and then one day before you know it, you find yourself wishing you hadn't taken the luxury of having them so close for granted...

at least when it was them who were leaving, i always knew that it was going to be harder for them; they were moving somewhere else, not me...they were the ones who had to adjust to another lifestyle...all i had to do was adjust to missing them...nothing else was really going to change. i was still here, doing the same job, coming home to the same apartment, living the same routine.

now, the tables are turning...and i'm a little scared.

will i be able to do it? will i be able to adjust? will i make new friends? sooo many questions, and sooo much uncertainty.

i know in my heart that i'll be ok...but this is the first time in my entire life, where i'll have no one to count on but myself...

i guess that's what growing up is all about, eh?