that was sexual

wow, this has been quite a ride so far...good ol' fort kent, maine...where do i even begin. when i left halifax in august, i was so excited to be free from it. i had a serious hate-on for that town...and over thanksgiving it just became worse. i held to my previously considered notion that that city has become toxic for me...that it oozed drama...and that nothing good could any longer come from it.

and then i came here...800 kilometres away from the place i called home for my entire life...and i was so sure that it would be easier. everything would be more clear, and i would be able to reconnect with the "me" that i felt that i had lost over the past year or so...

school is amazing...i'm constantly learning so much, and i'm completely surrounded by the most amazing group of friends and classmates that i could have ever hoped for. so in that regard i consider myself to be the luckiest boy in the world.

but as fate has somehow allowed, i fell in love again...and as the red flags became rationalized away, as "I" tend to allow, i ignored the signs...and once again it ended...but this time was different, this time i didn't lose a part of my lil' heart...this time (even though i hurt) i was actually made aware of just what i need...and just what i deserve...and just what i won't settle for...

i think my greatest problem in relationships has been that i will fight till my knuckles bleed for something that may not be worth fighting for. and now i know just what is worth it, and just what i have to let go...

so as i end this semester, i let go of all toxic anger...i let go of my fear of being alone...and i let go of that longing to fix something that should forever remain broken.

i know a little more now just what i want...what i deserve...and above all what i don't ever want to have again...and i feel good!