addicted

addicted

have you ever had something in your life that you just couldn't seem to get enough of? not necessarilly a physical thing, but simply something that you just can't seem to get out of your head?

now what if the thing you're addicted to isn't good for you; most addictions are unhealthy atleast to some degree...why would we continue punishing ourselves, whether mentally or physically, over and over again?

it's like the sweetest sin, something that urkes you every time you indulge yourself in it, but for some reason you just can't seem to stop...it may feel good at the time, but in the long run it's bound to cause us pain if we don't stop. now consider that this thing you're addicted to isn't a substance, or really a 'thing' at all...it's a person! does that make it any easier to get over? should we continue to treat it as any other addiction and wean ourselves off it, or should we just cut them out of our lives completely, cold turkey?

and even if we do put an end to the addiction, do we ever really get over it? or is it always a part of who we are? i've posed the question before as to whether we're products of our past, or whether we simply learn from our past mistakes and move on as bigger and better people...but the answer i thought i had come to has become bleaker as i got to where i am now.

i've never let the past heartaches i've suffered through decide who i was bound to become; i've never let them run my life for me...and i've always put down the people out there who remain forever scarred from their past upsets and live in fear of it happening to them again...it seems cowardly to act that way. and i stand by that.

but why is this time any different? could it be the distance i've put between myself and the problem? or could it be the fact that there was no closure? or even more upsetting still, could it be the fact that i'm still hanging on to that wonderful feeling of being wanted that he made me feel?

ashlee simpson once said that we never really get over people, we just move along and deal. and i've got to say that i agree with her. i can name on one hand the boys in my life who've had lasting effects on me, but i refuse to let that determine how i'll act in my next relationship...no matter who hurt who...

so why is this time any different?? i'm just going around in circles now, but my main point is that the distance has been put in place, and it's FUCKIN' TIME to continue on with new experiences.

in other words, it's time to get over it...

but as the old saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all...and my advice to anyone out there who is involved in any 'emotionally masochistic' behaviour such as yours truly, is to repeat this affirmation to yourself at least once a day, focus on today and the bright future ahead, and just continue enjoying yourself...

and call me in the morning!